10 Tips For a Successful Relationship

Successful relationship

What’s the key to a successful relationship?

Some say that truly is the “million-dollar” question. Sometimes it’s just the simple things that we easily forget or think are unimportant that hold the key to a healthy and happy relationship.

Read through the helpful tips below on how to make your relationship go the distance. If you do this you will see your relationships improve.

You need quality time together for a successful relationship

I know… life gets in the way. It is the school run, work, housekeeping and … Netflix, Social Media, gamming, etc. Without quality time together, your relationship will not survive. Aim to devote at least half an hour a night, and at least a couple of days a month when the two of you spend time exclusively together, if you want to have a successful relationship. And during that time you are interested i each other. You listen to each other’s problems and joys. You are genuinely curious about each other.

A successful relationship is a committed relationship

You both want to feel secure within the relationship. A good relationship is built on compromise and a lot of give and take from both of you. If you are thinking that “you could do better” the most likely is that your thoughts are going to get scattered and your brain doesn’t know where to focus attention. Commit yourself on making it work, and half of the problems go away.

Don’t tell people what to do, when to do it, how to do it … you don’t need to be right

I know, your way of doing things is the right way. Your partner thinks exactly the same. The right way for us is the way we are familiar with. There is no right and wrong way.

Be really aware of what is your business and what is your partner business. Do not interfere. You don’t need to be right, you don’t need to justify yourself or defend yourself.

Take responsibility for your happiness and let them be. Often those little things that first attracted you to your partner can turn into nasty annoying habits. Learn to love your partner, warts and all. Don’t try to change them into something they’re not, after all you fell in love with them just the way they were. You hate when people want’s to change you, don’t you? So, stop doing to others what you don’t like done to you. Simple.

Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate…

If you live with someone, even if it is just a room mate, you need to negotiate. The same with your partner.

Being money one of the top conflicts between most couples, you need to negotiate a budget. For the relationship to work, you need to address your finances.

Yes, some of us thing that we should save for when we can’t work and some of us think that we can die tomorrow, so let’s live today. No right or wrong. But if your partner has different ideas about how to spend money, a budget including money to expenses, money to save and money for fun is always a good idea.

Remember, is about feeling safe and make the other person feel safe too. It is about past conditioning and trauma. If you are feeling overreactive take a look at this article to help you nundertand what is going on.

Stop for a second before talking

To have a successful relationship, learn to argue well. Never say something to your partner that you wouldn’t want to hear said back. Don’t listen to respond, listen to understand. In those 30 seconds before saying anything, ask yourself: “would I like this said to me?” If not, change the way you say it. Most of the times is not what is said that makes people defensive, it is how it’s said.

Just treat your partner as you would treat you clients or your boss. Your partner is much more important than this people.

Avoid criticizing, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling, the 4 horsman of a dumed relationship. Focus on the problem instead of focusing on the other person character.

Use “I statements”

Communication is vital to have a successful relationship. Listen to your partner and avoid blame and judgment. Don’t let your emotions dictate your behavior. If you are feeling emotionally aroused, you can’t think properly. You need to live the situation and explain to your partner that you can talk about it later. Don’t let then wander – explain that this is not the moment to talk about that but you are willing to go thro it later, when you feel calm.

Remember, just talking things over can help you to both have a deeper understanding of each other.

Use “I” statements.

Instead of “You are always late. You never think of others”, say “I feel anxious when you are late. Can we agree in calling each other when, for some reason, we are late?”

My needs versus your needs

Sort out your sex life, if you are in a romantic relationship. There will be times when sex is put on the back burner. Communicate with your partner your expectations.

When the sexual drive is different, the person who is rejected often feels unloved and stops asking (nobody likes to be rejected). This can lead to total absence of intimacy. If that happens, restart by massaging each other without leading to intercourse. This will take the pressure of the act and you will feel more open and connected.

You need Me time and we time in a successful relationship

Try to keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell your partner how much you need them, but don’t get too dependent on them and cling to them all the time, as that can make your partner feel trapped. On the flip side of this, don’t allow your partner to think you don’t need them, by going or doing things without them. Try to keep a happy and healthy balance between the two. You both need me time and we time.

Take responsibility for part of the problem

Look at yourself! Explore the situation and your responsibility in any situation. What could you do differently? We all have flaws and we all make mistakes.

Learn to forgive. The past doesn’t matter anymore. Not forgiving is punishing yourself for others mistakes. Start marriage number 2 today … with the same person.

You know, Paul married Louisa. They would have an argument after the party, because he likes to dring and she doesn’t. But if Paul had married Sandra, they would have an argument before that party, because she takes too long to get dressed and he like to be on time. But if he had married Patricia, they wouldn’t go to the party together because e she doesn’t like parties…

If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, and feel the trust can never be regained, them a break and start again, with someone new.

Get some help

Don’t ever think that going to counseling is a sign of a failed relationship. It can turn a bad relationship around and can also turn an average relationship into an excellent one. More and more people are turning to counseling today than ever, it shows you are both prepared to try and make things better, which can’t be a bad thing at all.

The fact remains, that whether you’re dating or married, relationships are hard. It takes 100% commitment from both of you. However, healthy and long-lasting relationships are achievable and many couples have proven just that. Not everything is always going to be perfect but if you both choose to make it work then it will.

And remember, people in happy relationships are healthier, wealthier and happier than singles or people in bad relationships.

You choose

Maria da Silva (PhD, DHP Acc Hyp) is a Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist and a Trauma/Attachment Informed Coach, an expert in helping people understand and overcome their past conditioning and engage in meaningful and peaceful relationships through Nonviolent Communication.