# Maria da Silva

> Integrative Therapy


## Posts

- [Nonviolent Communication - authenticity and empathy](https://mariadasilva.org/nonviolent-communication/): In a world filled with noise, conflict, and misunderstanding, the way we communicate matters more than ever. Whether in our personal relationships, workplaces, or communities, the words we choose—and the intent behind them—can either build bridges or create barriers. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a transformative approach to dialogue that fosters empathy, clarity, and connection. Developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s, NVC is more than a communication technique—it’s a mindset shift. It invites us to speak from the heart, listen deeply, and engage with others in ways that honor both our needs and theirs. This workshop is designed for anyone seeking to improve their relationships, resolve conflicts peacefully, and communicate with authenticity. Whether you’re a leader, partner, educator, or simply someone who wants to be heard and understood, NVC offers tools that can change the way you relate to the world. Origins of Nonviolent Communication Marshall Rosenberg’s work emerged from a desire to understand what drives compassionate human interaction. Influenced by Carl Rogers’ person-centered therapy and his own experiences during the Detroit race riots, Rosenberg developed NVC as a response to the violence—both physical and verbal—he witnessed in society. He believed that much of our everyday communication is “violent” not because it’s aggressive, but because it disconnects us from our own humanity and the humanity of others. NVC was born as a way to restore that connection, emphasizing empathy, mutual respect, and the power of language to heal. Core Principles of NVC At the heart of Nonviolent Communication is a simple yet profound process built on four components: This process helps us move away from blame, criticism, and defensiveness—and toward understanding, collaboration, and emotional honesty. The Impact of Practicing Nonviolent Communication Participants often report powerful shifts in how they relate to others—and themselves. Benefits include: NVC isn’t about being “nice” or avoiding disagreement—it’s about engaging with honesty and empathy, even when conversations are difficult. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) has found its way into a remarkable range of places and situations across the globe—wherever empathy, understanding, and peaceful resolution are needed most. Here’s a look at some of the key areas where NVC has made a meaningful impact: Personal Relationships Healthcare Workplaces Education Social Justice & Community Work Peacebuilding & Prisons Let’s create a world where understanding is the norm, not the exception.
- [Hormones, mood and identity - "Who am I?"](https://mariadasilva.org/mood-and-hormones/): Many women describe a monthly emotional pattern that feels like a betrayal by their own bodies. One week they feel grounded, capable, connected, and emotionally stable — and the next they feel overwhelmed, irritable, hopeless, or even suicidal. In therapy rooms across the world, women say things like: These experiences are not imaginary, dramatic, or “just hormones.” They are neurobiological events driven by predictable hormonal shifts that affect the brain, mood, stress response, and emotional regulation. Understanding what happens in the female body across the menstrual cycle is not only validating — it gives women tools to protect their mental health and communicate more clearly with partners. This article explains: Why Hormonal Shifts Affect Women’s Mood 1. The Menstrual Cycle Is a Neurochemical Cycle The menstrual cycle is not just a reproductive rhythm — it is a brain chemistry cycle. Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone all interact with neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and GABA. These chemicals shape: This means that hormonal shifts are brain shifts. Research shows: This is why women can feel like different versions of themselves across the month. The Four Phases of the Cycle and What They Mean for Mood Winter: Menstruation (Days 1–5) Hormones: Estrogen and progesterone are at their lowest. Mood tendencies: Many women feel more inward, reflective, or tired. This is not depression — it is a biological low‑power mode. Why: Low estrogen means lower serotonin. Low progesterone means less GABA‑mediated calm. What helps: Spring: Follicular Phase (Days 6–14) Hormones: Estrogen rises steadily. Mood tendencies: This is often the “I feel like myself again” phase. Why: Estrogen boosts serotonin and dopamine, improving mood, motivation, and stress tolerance. What helps: Summer: Ovulation (Days 14–20) Hormones: Estrogen peaks; testosterone briefly rises. Mood tendencies: This is often the most balanced, outward‑facing phase. Why: High estrogen = high serotonin. Testosterone increases assertiveness and desire. What helps: Autumn: Luteal Phase (Days 20–28) This is where the emotional landscape changes dramatically. Early Luteal (Days 20–22) Hormones: Progesterone rises; estrogen dips slightly. Mood tendencies: Progesterone’s calming effect can feel grounding — unless stress is high. Late Luteal (Days 23–28) This is the week before the period — the most emotionally vulnerable time. Hormones: Mood tendencies: This is the phase associated with PMS and PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). Why the Week Before the Period Can Feel Catastrophic The late luteal phase is a neurochemical withdrawal state. A. Progesterone and allopregnanolone crash Allopregnanolone acts like a natural anti‑anxiety medication. When it drops suddenly, the brain becomes more reactive to stress. Research shows that women with PMDD have increased sensitivity to this drop, not abnormal hormone levels. B. Estrogen drops → serotonin drops This affects mood, sleep, appetite, and emotional regulation. C. The amygdala becomes more reactive Brain imaging studies show increased amygdala activation in the late luteal phase — meaning the brain is more sensitive to threat, criticism, and stress. D. The prefrontal cortex becomes less effective This is the part of the brain responsible for logic, planning, and emotional regulation. During the late luteal phase, it becomes less active. E. Stress hits harder Cortisol sensitivity increases, meaning the same stressor feels bigger. F. Suicide risk increases Multiple studies show that suicide attempts peak in the late luteal phase. This is not because women are unstable — it is because the brain is in a temporary neurochemical vulnerability window. Identity and hormones Many women describe a sense of identity fragmentation: This is not psychological weakness — it is state‑dependent identity. When estrogen and progesterone are high, the brain has access to emotional regulation, optimism, and resilience. When they drop, the brain shifts into a different operating mode. This is not a character flaw. It is biology. What Women Can Do to Feel Better in the Week Before the Period These are science‑supported strategies that reduce symptoms without giving medical directives. 1. Reduce stress load intentionally The late luteal brain is more sensitive to stress. Reducing demands is not indulgent — it is protective. Examples: 2. Prioritise sleep Poor sleep worsens luteal‑phase mood symptoms. Sleep is one of the strongest regulators of emotional stability. 3. Gentle exercise Research shows that moderate exercise reduces PMS symptoms and improves mood. Examples: 4. Eat for blood sugar stability Blood sugar spikes worsen irritability and anxiety. Helpful patterns: 5. Track your cycle Awareness reduces fear. When women know “this is the luteal phase,” they interpret symptoms differently. 6. Reduce conflict exposure The late luteal brain is more reactive. This is not the time for relationship problem‑solving. 7. Build a “luteal phase plan” Examples: 8. Seek professional support if symptoms are severe If a woman experiences: …it is important to speak with a healthcare professional. PMDD is real, treatable, and not a personal failure. 6. How to Explain This to Partners Many women struggle to communicate this to husbands or partners. Here is a simple, science‑based explanation: “My hormones change my brain chemistry across the month. The week before my period, the chemicals that help me stay calm and regulate emotions drop sharply. It’s not a choice — it’s a neurobiological shift. I need more support, less conflict, and more patience during that time. I am going to need more validation and reassurance and help. It’s temporary, predictable, and not a reflection of how I feel about you.” Partners often respond better when they understand this is physiology, not personality. Highly Sensitive People and hormones Highly Sensitive People (HSP women) do tend to suffer more during the luteal phase because their nervous systems react more strongly to internal changes — including hormonal shifts.It’s the same trait that makes them attuned to subtle sounds, micro‑expressions, textures, and emotional cues. Their nervous system also picks up internal physiological changes more intensely. This is not pathology — it’s trait‑based reactivity. It’s not weakness.It’s not “being dramatic.”It’s the interaction between: Final Thoughts When women understand their cycle, they stop feeling “crazy.” When partners understand it, relationships become safer and more supportive. And when society understands it, women stop being dismissed and start being taken seriously. Women are not “too emotional.” They are living inside a body that undergoes profound neurochemical shifts every month — shifts that affect mood, stress tolerance, and emotional regulation. Understanding these patterns is not about blaming hormones. It is about reclaiming agency, reducing shame, and giving women the tools to protect their mental health.
- [Antidepressants - Just One Piece of the Puzzle](https://mariadasilva.org/antidepressants/): Let’s talk about antidepressants. Not in a dry, clinical way—but in the way real people experience them. Because behind every prescription is someone sitting quietly thinking: “Will this actually help me… or am I just hoping it will?” I hear this question a lot in my work. And the honest answer is: 👉 Antidepressants can help—but they are not the whole story. 💊 What the Science Says (and What People Feel) Research does show that antidepressants can be effective. A large meta‑analysis of over 500 clinical trials and more than 100,000 patients found that antidepressants perform better than placebo in treating depression, particularly in more severe cases. [thelancet.com] That’s important. But it’s also true that the same research highlights limitations, including study bias and modest effect sizes—meaning the improvement, while real, is often not dramatic. [bmj.com] In everyday terms? They can help—but they’re rarely a magic fix. A client once described it like this: “I didn’t suddenly feel happy… but I didn’t feel like I was sinking anymore.” That “not sinking” can be life-changing. But it’s not the whole journey. 🛟 When Medication Really Helps For many people, antidepressants provide something essential: breathing space. They can: Another client said: “It didn’t fix my life. But it gave me enough stability to start fixing things myself.” That’s often where medication is most helpful—not as a solution, but as a platform for recovery. 🤔 But Here’s the Catch Medication works on brain chemistry. But life isn’t just chemistry. If someone keeps: …those patterns don’t disappear with a tablet. Research increasingly reflects this complexity. Studies show that while medication can reduce symptoms, it doesn’t address underlying psychological processes or life context. [thelancet.com] Or, to put it simply: 👉 You can feel better—but still be stuck in the same patterns. 😶 The “I Feel Fine… But Not Quite Me” Experience One of the most surprising things for many people is something called emotional blunting. Research suggests that 40–60% of people taking SSRIs experience some degree of this effect. [cam.ac.uk], [medicalnewstoday.com] It can feel like: One client joked: “I stopped crying at sad films—which sounded great—but then I stopped laughing at the funny ones too.” Funny, but also very real. Scientists believe this may be linked to how these medications affect reward processing and emotional learning in the brain. [cam.ac.uk] ⏳ The Long-Term Questions Another important piece: we still don’t fully understand the long-term effects of antidepressants. Large UK-based studies have found associations between long-term use and increased risks of conditions like heart disease and mortality, although causation is still debated. [cambridge.org], [bristol.ac.uk] At the same time, use has grown significantly. In England alone, around 8.9 million people were prescribed antidepressants in 2024–2025. [nhsbsa.nhs.uk] So this isn’t a small conversation—it’s a societal one. 🧠 Therapy: Where Real Change Happens Now let’s talk about therapy. Because this is where something deeper begins to shift. Research shows that psychotherapy is about as effective as antidepressants in the short term, but it has a crucial advantage: 👉 Its effects tend to last longer. A meta-analysis found that psychotherapy is often superior to medication in preventing relapse after treatment ends. [frontiersin.org] Why? Because therapy helps you: One client said: “The medication helped me cope. Therapy helped me understand myself.” That understanding changes everything. 🚶‍♀️ Movement: The Most Underrated Treatment Now for something that sounds almost too simple: movement. And yet, research shows it’s powerful. A large review of nearly 1,000 trials found that exercise can be as effective—or even more effective—than medication and therapy for mild to moderate depression. [medicalnewstoday.com] Yes, really. And it doesn’t have to mean running marathons. It can be: One client told me: “I argued with myself for 30 minutes about going for a walk… then went—and felt 10% better.” That 10% matters. Because recovery is often built from small shifts, repeated consistently. 🤝 Connection: The Piece We Often Forget Here’s something no medication can replace: 👉 Human connection Loneliness, disconnection, and lack of meaningful relationships are strongly linked to depression. And yet, they often go unaddressed. Connection might look like: One client said: “I thought something was wrong with me—but actually, I was just very alone.” That’s a powerful realisation. ⚖️ So… What Works Best? Research increasingly supports a combined approach. Studies show that combining therapy and medication is often more effective than medication alone, particularly for long-term outcomes. [frontiersin.org] And when you add movement and social connection? You’re supporting: In other words: 👉 You’re supporting the whole person. 🌸 A Final Thought If you’re currently struggling, please know: You are not broken.You are not weak.You are human—responding to life, stress, and experience. And with the right support, things can begin to shift. If you’re navigating the decision about antidepressants, here’s what I want you to know: And perhaps most importantly: “You don’t just need something to change how you feel—you need space to understand why you feel the way you do.” Because that’s where real, lasting change begins. References
- [Psychedelics and Healing: Ancient Traditions, Modern Science, and How They Compare to the Rewind Technique](https://mariadasilva.org/psychedelics-and-healing/): In recent years, psychedelic‑assisted therapy has moved from the margins of scientific research into mainstream conversation. People living with trauma, anxiety, or long‑standing emotional pain are increasingly curious about whether these substances could help them heal. At the same time, many feel overwhelmed by the hype, unsure about the risks, and uncertain about how psychedelics compare to gentler, established approaches such as the Rewind Technique. To understand the role psychedelics might play in trauma recovery today, it helps to look both backward — to the Indigenous traditions of Central America — and forward, to the emerging scientific evidence. This article offers a grounded, culturally respectful, and trauma‑informed exploration of psychedelics, their benefits and limitations, and how they differ from the Rewind Technique. Indigenous Central American Traditions: Psychedelics as Sacred Teachers Long before Western science began studying psychedelics, Indigenous peoples across Central America and southern Mexico had developed sophisticated, spiritually rich healing traditions involving psychoactive plants. For the Maya, Mazatec, Mixe, and other groups, these plants were not “drugs” — they were teachers, guides, and bridges between the physical and spiritual worlds. Sacred plants used in healing Some of the most significant include: These plants were used to: Healing was not an individual, private act. It was communal, relational, and deeply embedded in ritual. A Mazatec example: The velada In Mazatec tradition, a person suffering from emotional distress might participate in a velada — a night‑long healing ceremony guided by a curandera. The mushrooms were taken in darkness, accompanied by chanting that helped guide the person inward. The curandera interpreted visions, offered grounding, and helped the person confront unresolved pain. The experience was not meant to overwhelm. It was meant to be held. This is a crucial difference from many modern, unregulated psychedelic experiences, where the container — the ritual, the guidance, the community — is missing. Today, many Indigenous healers express concern that Western psychedelic enthusiasm risks: This historical perspective reminds us that psychedelics are not inherently healing. The context matters. What Modern Science Says About Psychedelics and Trauma Over the past two decades, scientific interest in psychedelics has surged. Researchers are exploring whether substances like psilocybin, MDMA, and ketamine can help people process trauma in new ways. Key findings from modern research MDMA‑assisted therapy for PTSD A landmark phase 3 trial (Mitchell et al., Nature Medicine, 2021) found that MDMA‑assisted therapy significantly reduced PTSD symptoms, with many participants no longer meeting diagnostic criteria after treatment. Psilocybin for depression A major study published in The New England Journal of Medicine (Carhart‑Harris et al., 2022) found that psilocybin produced rapid and sustained reductions in depressive symptoms in people with treatment‑resistant depression. Ketamine for depression Ketamine has shown rapid antidepressant effects, though they may be short‑lived without integration therapy (Wilkinson et al., American Journal of Psychiatry, 2018). Why psychedelics may help Research suggests psychedelics can: These mechanisms echo what Indigenous healers have known for centuries: healing often requires connection, openness, and support. Case Study: A Positive Outcome A woman in her 40s with long‑standing childhood trauma participated in a regulated MDMA‑assisted therapy programme. With two trained therapists present, she revisited a traumatic memory without shutting down. Over the following weeks, she reported: Six months later, her symptoms remained significantly reduced. This reflects what clinical trials aim for: deep processing within a safe therapeutic container. The Real Risks and Limitations Psychedelics are powerful. They can open emotional doors — but they can also open them too quickly. 1. Emotional overwhelm Some people experience panic, dissociation, or retraumatisation. 2. Unpredictability Responses vary widely, even in controlled settings. 3. Vulnerability to suggestion People in psychedelic states are more impressionable, which requires highly ethical, well‑trained therapists. 4. Worsening symptoms Some experience increased anxiety or intrusive memories afterwards. 5. Legal and safety concerns Outside regulated clinical trials, psychedelic use often occurs in unregulated environments. Case Study: A Problematic Outcome A client of mine, 29 years old, attended an unregulated psilocybin retreat hoping for a breakthrough. Without proper screening or support, he became overwhelmed by fear and dissociation. Afterwards, he struggled with: He eventually sought stabilising therapy to recover. This illustrates a crucial truth: psychedelics are not inherently healing. The container matters as much as the substance. How Psychedelics Compare to the Rewind Technique In recent years, both psychedelic-assisted therapy and the Rewind Technique have attracted growing interest as innovative approaches to healing trauma. While they may appear to share a similar promise — rapid and transformative change — they are fundamentally different in how they work, how they are delivered, and what they require from the client. ⚖️ Key differences at a glance Aspect Psychedelic Therapy Rewind Technique Approach Altered states of consciousness Guided imagery Experience Often intense, immersive Calm, controlled Verbal disclosure May vary Not required Speed of results Often rapid Often rapid Evidence base Growing, stronger for some conditions (e.g. depression, PTSD) Emerging, Risks Psychological distress, suitability concerns Low when used appropriately Accessibility Limited, regulated settings Widely accessible in therapy 🌱 Two philosophies of healing At a deeper level, these approaches reflect two different philosophies: One is often experienced as a peak or breakthrough experienceThe other as a gentle unwinding Key differences Emotional activation Safety Accessibility Mechanism Suitability A Final Reflection: Choosing Your Path Indigenous Central American traditions remind us that healing is not just about reducing symptoms. It is about restoring connection — to ourselves, to others, and to something larger than us. Modern psychedelic therapy is rediscovering this truth, but it is still evolving, still imperfect, and still learning from the wisdom of the cultures that carried these practices long before Western science took interest. The Rewind Technique offers a different path — one that is grounded, gentle, and accessible, especially for those who prefer a calm, non‑altered approach to trauma healing. Rather than seeing these approaches as competing, it may be more helpful to view them as complementary options within an evolving field of trauma therapy. Both point toward a shared insight: Healing trauma does not necessarily require prolonged suffering — and the future of therapy may lie in approaches that are not only effective, but also deeply respectful of the person’s nervous system. Both paths have value. What matters most is choosing the one that aligns with your needs, your readiness, and your sense of safety. References: Breeksema, J. J., et al. (2022).Adverse events in psychedelic treatments: Systematic review.Journal of Psychopharmacology BMJ State-of-the-art review (2026):Psychedelic medicine: mechanisms and translation to practice. Thomas, J. E., et al. (2026).Efficacy and risks of psychedelics in PTSD: Systematic review. Watford, T., & Masood, N. (2023).Psilocybin as a treatment for major depressive disorder: A systematic review.Clinical Psychopharmacology and Neuroscience.
- [The Devastating Estrangement of Entitled Adult Children](https://mariadasilva.org/estrangement-of-entitled-adult-children/): “The story: The Silence Between Them” Margaret sat by the window, her hands wrapped around a lukewarm cup of tea. The autumn leaves outside danced in the wind, but her heart felt still and heavy. It had been nearly two years since she’d heard from her daughter, Claire. This estrangement led to profund depression and guilt. Claire had always been spirited—bright, ambitious, and outspoken. Margaret and her late husband had done everything to support her: private school, university abroad, help with her first flat, and later, childcare when Claire had her own children. They’d never said no, even when it meant dipping into their retirement savings. But things changed after Margaret declined to co-sign a loan for Claire’s new business venture. “I just can’t risk it,” she had said gently. Claire’s face had gone cold. “My friend’s parents always help. You are just selfish,” she snapped. “You only care about yourself – you are not good for my mental health”. That was the last real conversation they had. Claire initially felt relief. She told herself she was protecting her peace, setting boundaries. But over time, guilt crept in. Unresolved anger simmered beneath the surface, and loneliness settled in like fog. She missed the emotional anchor of family—even if she didn’t admit it. Her frustration spilled into her parenting; her children often bore the brunt of her unhappiness. She was irritable, angry and lonely. The children, once close to their grandmother, were confused. They asked why Nana didn’t visit anymore. Claire gave vague answers, but the tension hung in the air. They missed Margaret’s stories, her gentle wisdom, the way she made holidays feel magical. Without her, family traditions faded. A part of their identity quietly disappeared. Margaret, meanwhile, felt betrayed and discarded. After years of sacrifice, she was left in silence. She didn’t tell her friends—too ashamed to admit her own daughter had turned away. The deepest wound was being cut off from her grandchildren. She grieved not just the loss of Claire, but the generations that followed. Estrangement hadn’t brought peace. It had fractured the family system. One day, Claire found an old photo album while cleaning. There was a picture of her as a child, asleep on Margaret’s chest. Something cracked open. She realized her mother wasn’t perfect—but she had always loved her. That night, Claire wrote an email. Not to blame, but to explain. She shared her stress, her fears, and her regret. She apologized for the harsh words and asked if they could talk. Margaret received the email with trembling hands. Tears welled in her eyes as she read Claire’s words. She didn’t need an apology—just a sign that her daughter still cared. They met two weeks later at a quiet café. The conversation was awkward at first, but slowly, the walls came down. They didn’t solve everything that day, but they agreed on one thing: they both wanted to rebuild. They started small—weekly phone calls, short visits with the grandchildren, and a shared commitment to speak honestly, even when it was hard. It wasn’t perfect. But it was real. And for the first time in years, Margaret’s tea tasted warm again. If you don’t give me what I want, I’ll cut you off In recent years, a quiet heartbreak has been unfolding behind closed doors: elderly parents—some in their 70s, 80s, even 90s—finding themselves cut off by the very children they once nurtured, supported, and sacrificed for. While much has been written about estrangement due to parental abuse or neglect, there’s another side to the story that’s rarely discussed: estrangement driven by entitlement, manipulation, and emotional immaturity from adult children. 🎁 When Generosity Breeds Resentment Many of these parents gave their children everything they could: And yet, some adult children grow up not with gratitude—but with expectation. What began as generosity becomes obligation. The more the parents give, the more is demanded. And when the giving slows—or stops altogether—the relationship fractures. Entitlement in adult children can manifest in several ways: This mindset often stems from a combination of overindulgence, lack of accountability, and cultural narratives that frame parents as eternally responsible for their children’s happiness. 📣 The Influence of Therapy and Pop Culture While therapy can be life-changing, not all therapeutic or coaching environments are created equal. In some cases, counsellors, coaches, and influencers may unintentionally reinforce estrangement by: Social media influencers and self-help gurus often promote simplified narratives: “If they don’t serve your peace, cut them off.” While this can be empowering in cases of genuine abuse, it can also fuel impulsive decisions that sever relationships unnecessarily. 😔 Everyone Is More Unhappy Estrangement rarely brings peace—it often brings pain, confusion, and emotional isolation for everyone involved: 👩‍🦰 The Adult Child 🧒 The Grandchildren 👵 The Parents Estrangement doesn’t just sever a relationship—it fractures a family system. And while boundaries are essential, cutting off without reflection or repair often leads to more suffering, not less. 🔄 The Cycle of Enmeshment and Control In some cases, the relationship was never healthy to begin with. Parents who over-functioned—solving every problem, shielding their children from consequences—may have unintentionally raised adults who never learned resilience or reciprocity. When these parents finally set boundaries, the adult child perceives it as betrayal. Estrangement becomes a form of control: “If you don’t give me what I want, I’ll cut you off.” 🧭 What Can Parents Do? While you can’t control your child’s choices, you can: Estrangement is never easy, but sometimes, it’s not about what you did wrong—it’s about what they refuse to take responsibility for. 💬 Final Thoughts Not all estrangements are rooted in trauma. Some are rooted in entitlement, immaturity, and emotional manipulation—often reinforced by cultural messages that prioritize personal comfort over relational repair. And while it’s painful to be cut off by someone you raised and love, it’s not a reflection of your worth as a parent. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do—for yourself and for them—is to step back and stop enabling. If you need help, come for a chat. I am here to support you with this difficult process.
- [Recovering from addiction: From the Bottom of the Bottle to the Top of the Hill](https://mariadasilva.org/recovering-from-addiction/): James’s Journey Out of Alcohol Addiction James was 42 when he first admitted to himself that something was wrong. He had always been the life of the party, the one with a drink in hand and a joke on his lips. But lately, the laughter felt hollow, and the drinks came earlier in the day. He missed meetings, forgot birthdays, and his teenage daughter had stopped talking to him. One morning, staring at his bloodshot eyes in the mirror, he whispered, “I think I have a problem.” That moment was James’s first step into the pre-contemplation stage shifting into contemplation. He began noticing how often he drank alone, especially when angry or sad. He remembered promising himself he wouldn’t drink that day—and then doing it anyway. The hangovers were worse, and his work performance was slipping. He ticked off every box in a self-assessment list he found online. It was clear: he was addicted. James started journaling. He realised alcohol had become his escape from stress, loneliness, and a deep sense of failure. He had unmet emotional needs—connection, purpose, and self-worth. Drinking gave him the illusion of control and confidence, but it was a counterfeit solution. He wasn’t meeting his needs; he was numbing them. After a particularly bad weekend, James searched for help. He tried a few support groups but felt overwhelmed by the disease model that labelled him “powerless.” He wanted something that made sense to him—something that didn’t make him feel broken. A friend recommended a particular therapist. In their first session, James was surprised. Instead of focusing on the alcohol, the therapist asked about his life, his needs, and his strengths. They talked about unmet emotional needs—security, attention, autonomy, intimacy, meaning—and how addiction was a misguided attempt to meet them. James felt seen. He wasn’t just an addict; he was a man trying to cope. He decided to commit to the process. He entered the determination stage. “Something’s got to change,” he said. “I can’t go on like this.” Together, they explored the discrepancy between his drinking and his goals. James wanted to rebuild his relationship with his daughter, feel proud of his work, and enjoy life without needing a drink. Alcohol was sabotaging all of that. James set a goal: no more than 14 units of alcohol per week, with alcohol-free days. Eventually, he decided to stop completely. He entered the action stage. He wrote down his reasons, kept a drink diary, and removed alcohol from his home. He learned to identify his triggers: stress at work, loneliness at night, and social pressure. He noticed that negative emotions—not cravings—were his biggest risk. He practiced “stop, look, and listen” when he felt tempted. James made a plan. He avoided bars, declined invites to drinking-heavy events, and practiced saying “no” politely. He stayed active—joining a walking group, taking up photography, and reconnecting with old friends. He asked his family for support and kept his therapist updated. Step-by-Step Fulfilment of Innate Needs James began fulfilling his innate emotional needs, step by step: James knew relapse was possible. He prepared for it. When he felt tempted, he paused, stayed calm, and reminded himself of his progress. He had a support network and a plan. He didn’t see relapse as failure—just a signal to adjust. James’s story is one of transformation. He didn’t just quit drinking—he rebuilt his life. The Human Givens approach helped him understand addiction not as a disease, but as a misdirected attempt to meet real human needs. By addressing those needs directly, James found freedom—not just from alcohol, but from the pain that led him there. Recognising and Treating Addiction: A Human Givens Perspective Addiction is a complex and often misunderstood phenomenon. The Human Givens approach offers a refreshing and holistic view, moving beyond the traditional disease model to explore addiction as a learned behaviour that can be unlearned. This blog post highlights the key signs of addiction and outlines effective treatment strategies based on the Human Givens framework. Understanding Addiction: More Than a Disease Contrary to the belief that addiction is purely a biological disease, the Human Givens model sees it as a maladaptive coping mechanism. Addiction often arises when individuals attempt to meet unmet emotional needs through substances or behaviours that offer temporary relief but ultimately deepen distress. Addiction hijacks the brain’s natural motivation circuitry, creating powerful expectations around substances or behaviours. These expectations drive compulsive use, not just the chemical properties of the substance itself. Signs of Addiction: What to Look For Here we outline several diagnostic criteria for substance dependence, adapted from the DSM. These signs apply broadly to both legal and illegal substances and behavioural addictions: These signs are not limited to illegal drugs. Legal substances like alcohol, caffeine, and tobacco are widely used and can be just as addictive. Alarmingly, alcohol dependence affects 7.5% of men and 2.1% of women in the UK, with rising rates among young people. Behavioural Signs in Young People Early detection is crucial. Ten warning signs of drug use in adolescents include: These signs often precede full-blown addiction and can be linked to underlying emotional distress or lack of life opportunities. The Illusion of Needs Being Met Addiction often masquerades as a solution to unmet emotional needs. For example: These illusions trap individuals in a cycle of temporary relief and long-term harm. Treatment: A Holistic, Human-Centred Approach The Human Givens model integrates biological, psychological, and social elements. It emphasises restoring emotional balance and meeting innate human needs through healthier means. Stages of Change (Prochaska & DiClemente Model) This model recognises that change is a process, not a single event. Relapse Prevention Relapse is common, especially in the first month of recovery. The Human Givens approach recommends: Interestingly, most relapses are triggered by negative emotions or interpersonal conflict—not cravings. Final Thoughts: Recovery Is Possible Addiction is not a life sentence. With the right support, self-awareness, and strategies, recovery is achievable—even for those with severe dependency. The Human Givens approach offers hope by focusing on unmet needs, emotional health, and practical tools for change. As Dr. S. Schachter noted, “People can and do cure themselves of smoking, obesity and heroin addiction… in many cases apparently permanently.” Looking for help?
- [Affair - the pain and the healing](https://mariadasilva.org/affairs/): “Dear Emma,I’ve spent countless hours trying to find the right words to say to you. None of them feel adequate, and maybe they never will. But I owe you honesty, vulnerability, and the truth—however painful it may be.I betrayed your trust. I had an affair. Saying those words aloud feels like a punch to the chest, and I know they must feel even worse to hear. I’m not writing this to justify what I did, because there is no justification. I’m writing to explain, to take responsibility, and to ask—if not for forgiveness—then for the chance to begin healing.The affair didn’t happen because of you. It wasn’t because you weren’t enough, or because our marriage was broken beyond repair. It happened because I lost sight of myself, and in doing so, I lost sight of us. Somewhere along the way, I stopped communicating, stopped showing up emotionally, and started retreating into a version of myself that felt disconnected and numb. The affair was not about love or passion—it was about escape. A misguided attempt to feel alive, to feel seen, to feel something other than the dull ache of dissatisfaction I hadn’t even fully understood.I should have come to you. I should have said, “I’m struggling,” or “I feel lost,” or even just “I need help.” But I didn’t. I buried it, and in that silence, I made choices that hurt you deeply. I broke the sacred bond we built over years of love, laughter, and shared dreams. I shattered the safety of our home, and I know that the pain I’ve caused runs deep.Since you found out, I’ve been forced to confront the full weight of my actions. The shame, the guilt, the regret—they are overwhelming. But more than anything, I feel sorrow. Sorrow for the hurt in your eyes, for the nights you’ve cried, for the questions you now carry about who I am and what we had. I see you trying to make sense of it all, and I wish I could take away that burden.I want you to know that I am committed to doing the work. Not just to repair what I broke, but to understand why I broke it in the first place. I’ve started therapy, and I’m learning to sit with discomfort instead of running from it. I’m learning to listen—to you, to myself, to the silence between us that now feels so heavy. I want to rebuild trust, not with promises, but with consistent actions. I want to be transparent, accountable, and present.I know you may not be ready to talk, and I respect that. I know you may never be able to trust me again, and I will accept whatever decision you make. But if there is even a small part of you that believes we can find our way back—not to what we were, but to something new and honest—I will fight for that with everything I have.You are the person I chose to build a life with, and I still believe in the love that brought us together. I believe in your strength, your grace, and your right to feel every emotion this betrayal has stirred. I will not rush you. I will not pressure you. I will simply be here, showing up, doing the work, and hoping that one day, you might look at me and see someone worth rebuilding with.With all my remorse and hope,James” 🔍 Introduction: Rethinking Infidelity Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist and relationship expert, opens The State of Affairs by challenging the traditional narrative of infidelity as a moral failing or a symptom of a broken relationship. Instead, she invites readers to explore the deeper emotional and psychological dimensions of affairs. Perel argues that infidelity is not always about sex or dissatisfaction—it can be a quest for identity, vitality, or lost parts of the self. In today’s world, where romantic relationships are expected to fulfill a wide range of emotional needs, the stakes of betrayal are higher than ever. 💔 The Nature of Infidelity Infidelity is a multifaceted phenomenon. It can be physical, emotional, virtual, or even imagined. The definition of cheating varies across cultures and individuals, but it typically involves secrecy, emotional intimacy, and a breach of trust. Perel emphasizes that affairs often occur in seemingly happy relationships, not just troubled ones. People cheat not necessarily to leave their partners, but to reconnect with a part of themselves they feel has been lost. Affairs can be driven by longing, curiosity, or a desire to feel alive again. 🧠 Psychological Impact of Betrayal The emotional fallout of infidelity is profound. For the betrayed partner, it can feel like a shattering of reality – a loss of trust, identity, and emotional safety. PTSD can creap in. Perel describes this as “relational trauma,” where the person feels destabilized and questions everything they believed about their relationship. The pain is not just about the act itself, but the deception and the emotional intimacy shared with someone else. For the betrayer, guilt and shame can be overwhelming. They may feel torn between remorse and the thrill of the affair, struggling to reconcile their actions with their values. 🔄 Rebuilding or Redefining Relationships One of the book’s central themes is the possibility of healing after infidelity. Perel does not prescribe a one-size-fits-all solution—some couples choose to separate, while others rebuild their relationship. What matters, she argues, is how the couple chooses to respond. Healing requires open communication, empathy, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths. Perel encourages couples to explore the meaning of the affair, what it revealed about their relationship, and what changes are needed moving forward. In some cases, the crisis becomes a catalyst for growth, leading to a deeper, more honest connection. 🔥 Desire, Eroticism, and the Affair A recurring theme in Perel’s work is the tension between domesticity and eroticism. In The State of Affairs, she delves into how affairs can reignite desire – not just for the lover, but for life itself. The affair becomes a space where people feel seen, desired, and free. This doesn’t justify betrayal, but it helps explain its emotional power. Perel encourages couples to talk openly about desire, fantasy, and the erotic dimension of their relationship. Reconnecting with these aspects can be a path to healing and renewal. 🧭 Navigating the Aftermath Perel offers practical guidance for couples navigating the aftermath of an affair. She emphasizes the importance of asking the right questions – not just “Did you love them?” but “What did the affair mean to you?” Understanding the emotional context of the betrayal is key to moving forward. She also discusses the role of therapy, forgiveness, and rebuilding trust. For some, the affair marks the end of the relationship; for others, it becomes a turning point. 🧠 Final Reflections: Compassion and Complexity In her conclusion, Perel urges readers to move beyond judgment and embrace complexity. Infidelity is painful, but it can also be illuminating. It forces us to confront our deepest fears, desires, and vulnerabilities. Perel’s message is not that affairs are acceptable, but that they are human. By understanding them, we can better understand ourselves and our relationships. ⭐ Key Takeaways
- [How to Make Your Girlfriend Happy in 5 stages](https://mariadasilva.org/girlfriend-happy/): 🧠 A Modern Man’s Guide to Meaningful Relationships Dating today isn’t what it used to be. Gone are the days when relationships were built on simple expectations—men as providers, women as nurturers. In our modern world, relationships demand emotional intelligence, communication skills, and mutual understanding. Love alone isn’t enough. To build a lasting, fulfilling relationship, men must learn the art of connection. This blog is a practical guide for men who want to create deeper, more meaningful relationships with their girlfriend. It’s not about manipulation or tricks—it’s about learning the skills that make love thrive. 🌟 The Five Stages of Dating In most situations, it takes time and a gradual journey through the five stages of relationship development before you can truly determine whether someone is right for you. While sexual chemistry can spark instantly, relying too heavily on physical attraction without investing in deeper emotional and intellectual connection often leads to disappointment. The initial spark may feel like genuine interest—even love—but it’s often just a surface-level illusion.The truth is, only time reveals a person’s true character. Only through shared experiences and emotional growth can you discover whether this connection has lasting potential. There’s no shortcut to this process.Long-term physical attraction is only sustainable when it’s rooted in a deeper bond—one that includes mental, emotional, and spiritual compatibility. That’s why it’s essential not to mistake sexual desire for love.The key to a successful relationship lies in taking the time to genuinely understand one another. If you tend to fall in love quickly, it’s wise to slow down and allow the relationship to evolve naturally. Even if a man feels completely captivated early on, rushing the process can backfire. Sometimes, his eagerness can overwhelm his partner, causing her to pull away.When a man becomes overly persistent, showering a woman with promises before truly knowing her, she may feel flattered but also skeptical. She senses that his feelings are premature—he hasn’t seen her in vulnerable moments, hasn’t witnessed her imperfections. Without that deeper familiarity, she struggles to trust his declarations of love.For a woman to feel secure in a relationship, she needs to believe that her emotional needs will be met. Grand gestures and intense feelings aren’t enough—what matters is whether the connection is grounded in mutual understanding.Ultimately, developing the ability to recognize and navigate differences between you and your partner is crucial. These skills help couples move through the five stages with greater ease and resilience. Every successful relationship moves through five key stages, acording to John Grey: Understanding these stages helps you navigate the emotional terrain of dating with confidence and clarity and will make your girlfriend happy Stage 1 of a romantic connection begins with initial attraction, where a man expresses interest and starts getting to know a woman. Often, men treat women the way they themselves would want to be treated, which may not align with what women actually appreciate. True chemistry between two people can’t be manufactured—it either exists or it doesn’t. While men often feel instant physical attraction, women tend to be drawn to a man’s character, values, and life direction first. Many men mistakenly try to impress by projecting an idealized version of themselves, shaped by media or social expectations. Instead, authenticity is key. A man should present his true self—his personality, interests, and values—so the right woman can genuinely connect with him. Fear of rejection is common, but it’s important to understand that a woman’s “no” is rarely personal. Her reasons are rooted in her own experiences and worldview. Rejection doesn’t reflect a man’s worth, and moving on with confidence is essential. Confidence itself is attractive. When a man takes the risk to ask for a woman’s number, it signals genuine interest and makes her feel special. Flashy displays or overcompensation often backfire; what matters more is attitude and sincerity. Women appreciate when a man is polite, curious, and emotionally present. Simple introductions and thoughtful questions—like “Where are you from?”—can spark meaningful conversations. Even if a man stumbles over his words, his effort is often seen as endearing. Women value the courage it takes to approach them, especially when it’s done with warmth and respect. Compliments play a powerful role too. When a man notices and appreciates a woman personally and sincerely, it deepens the connection. Ultimately, being authentic, confident, and genuinely interested is what makes a man most attractive in the early stages of dating. What makes you attractive? Compliments that work: Pro tip: Compliment + question = connection. Mantra to remember: Cool, but not cold. Interested, but not intense. Discerning, but never desperate. Confidence is attractive. Risking rejection shows strength. Women appreciate men who take initiative and remain grounded regardless of the outcome. 🗣️ First Dates – Talk Less, Listen More Many men make the mistake of dominating the conversation to impress. But women connect through sharing. The best way to win her heart? Ask questions and listen with genuine interest. Avoid: Talking only about yourself. Do: Ask about her passions, dreams, and experiences. Why it works: Listening shows you care. It builds trust and emotional intimacy. 📞 The Follow-Up Call – Why It Matters After a date, a simple call can make a big difference. It shows you care and value her time. Why men hesitate: Fear of seeming needy. Why women expect it: It’s a sign of emotional investment. Even if you’re unsure about a second date, call anyway. It’s respectful and might even rekindle your interest. 🧭 Women Love a Man with a Plan Confidence, purpose, and responsibility are magnetic traits. Women feel safe and cherished when a man has direction. What makes a man attractive: Tip: Planning a date shows you care. It gives her something to look forward to and makes her feel special. 🧠 How to Be the Most Interesting Man Ever You don’t need flashy cars or fancy clothes. You need empathy, curiosity, and presence. Be a great listener. Avoid: Trying to fix her emotions. Do: Offer understanding and support. Stage two of a relationship—uncertainty—naturally follows when someone becomes more special to us. As feelings deepen and the desire for exclusivity grows, it’s common to feel unsure. Unfortunately, many people misinterpret this uncertainty as a sign that the person isn’t right for them, when in fact, it’s a necessary part of emotional growth.In this stage, a man should shift from dating multiple women to focusing on one. Though other women may seem more appealing, this is often due to unrealistic ideals shaped by media. Real bonding replaces fantasy when a man begins to feel successful and emotionally connected with a woman.To move forward, he must reflect on questions like: Am I the right man for her? Do I care about her happiness? Do I miss her when she’s not around? These help him dig deeper rather than chase illusions. Misunderstanding a woman’s communication style can lead to false conclusions. For example, her comments or complaints aren’t criticisms—they’re expressions of thought or attempts to help. Her independence may mask vulnerability, but she still values respect and courtesy. If a man pulls away during this stage, a woman may feel confused and question the relationship. It’s important to explain the need for space without making her feel rejected. Conversely, if she pulls away, gentle persistence—without guilt-tripping—is key to keeping the connection alive.Finally, men influenced by casual portrayals of sex may expect intimacy too quickly. This mindset can sabotage deeper attraction. Pursuing women for short-term pleasure diminishes the ability to connect with someone they could truly love. Stage two is about emotional clarity, patience, and understanding. It’s the bridge between initial attraction and lasting connection—and only those willing to dig deeper will find the gold beneath the surface. When someone becomes special, doubts creep in. This is normal. Don’t let uncertainty sabotage a good thing. Key questions to ask: Avoid: Comparing her to others or chasing fantasy ideals. Do: Focus on building a deeper connection. Stage three marks the transition from casual dating to exclusivity, where emotional attraction begins to deepen. This phase offers the opportunity to give freely and receive in return, but many couples unintentionally sabotage it by relaxing too soon. Once exclusivity is established, men often stop pursuing, and women begin expecting more—creating tension and disappointment.A common mistake is assuming that romantic gestures are only necessary until a woman commits. In reality, consistent attention and effort are what sustain her attraction. Efficiency may serve well at work, but in relationships, it can lead to passivity and emotional disconnect.To thrive in this stage, a man must continue doing the little things that made him attractive in the first place. Planning thoughtful dates, engaging in meaningful conversations, and sharing daily experiences keep the relationship vibrant. Women value emotional sharing and feel most connected when a man expresses his thoughts and feelings openly.Listening remains crucial. If a man becomes distracted or disengaged, a woman may interpret it as indifference. Compliments should also continue—exclusivity doesn’t replace the need for verbal appreciation. Women thrive on small, sincere affirmations that show they’re cherished.Variety and novelty are important too. Trying new things together keeps the relationship exciting. Offering help without being asked is another powerful gesture. Women often assume men will notice their needs, but many men wait for cues. Anticipating and responding to her needs shows care and attentiveness.Ultimately, exclusivity is not the finish line—it’s the beginning of deeper emotional investment. By sustaining effort, showing curiosity, and remaining emotionally present, a man creates the foundation for lasting intimacy. This phase demands more, but giving your best unlocks the potential for real love and mutual fulfillment Exclusivity doesn’t mean you stop trying. Many men relax too much once they’re “in.” But relationships need continuous effort. Keep doing what worked: Why it matters: Women thrive on emotional connection and thoughtful gestures. Don’t let comfort turn into complacency. When we can feel and experience the best in ourselves and our partners, we are then ready to experience all of them and allow them to experience all of us. When we feel chemistry with a partner on all four levels—physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual—then we are ready for intimacy. Physical chemistry creates desire and arousal. Emotional chemistry creates affection, caring, and trust. Mental chemistry creates interest and receptivity. Spiritual chemistry opens our hearts, creating love, appreciation, and respect. When you have seen the best of a person over time, then your heart has a chance to open. With enough love in your heart, you are then prepared to experience the worst of that person and still come back to a loving connection. You can hold him or her in your heart even though you may be frustrated or disappointed. Likewise, in this stage, the man feels relief as well. He has been looking forward to more physical intimacy. As the woman experiences the ability to open up and share all of herself mentally and emotionally, then they both rejoice in the opportunity to experience that love physically as well. A man’s heart has a chance to open fully as he experiences increasing physical intimacy. True intimacy is built on four types of chemistry: When you’ve seen the best in each other, you’re ready to embrace the whole person—even the flaws. Engagement is a warm-up for marriage. It’s a time to build trust, create memories, and practice the skills that make love last. The engagement stage is a vital period in a relationship, offering couples the chance to build lasting memories and strengthen their emotional connection before entering the more demanding realm of marriage. It serves as a warm-up phase, allowing partners to stretch their relational muscles and prepare for the challenges ahead. Engagement is not just a romantic milestone—it’s a practical foundation for a successful marriage.For your girlfriend, the proposal holds deep emotional significance. It’s not merely a formality but one of the most meaningful gifts a man can offer. It symbolizes commitment and sets the tone for a loving, secure partnership. During engagement, a woman can access the part of herself that feels trusting,...
- [Caer Ibormeith](https://mariadasilva.org/caer-ibormeith/): The Swan Maiden of Celtic Myth and Stronghold of the Heart In the rich tapestry of Celtic mythology, few figures are as enchanting and mysterious as Caer Ibormeith. Known as a swan maiden, a dream weaver, and a symbol of transformation, Caer’s story is deeply intertwined with themes of love, identity, and the power of listening to the soul’s quiet voice. Born to Ethal Anbuail, one of the mystical Tuatha de Danann, Caer was part of a lineage that, over centuries, evolved in folklore from ancient deities into fae royalty and legendary heroes who withdrew into the magical earth mounds known as sidhes. She and her father resided in Sidhe Uamuin, nestled in Connacht. Caer (pronounced “Keer”) was celebrated in poetry under names like “Shapely Yew Berry” and “Yew Berry.” She possessed the extraordinary ability to shift forms—spending one year as a radiant woman and the next as a graceful swan. Each year, on Samhain—the threshold between the physical and spiritual realms— She would undergo her transformation, joined by 150 swans. In Celtic lore, swans are deeply symbolic, representing love, purity, the soul, and music. When tied to a goddess, they are distinguished by golden or silver chains around their necks and are seen as guides to the Otherworld, especially during Samhain. Caer was a sovereign spirit, choosing her own path and partner. 💘 The Love Story: Caer and Aengus Óg Caer Ibormeith is best known for her mythic romance with Aengus Óg, the Irish god of love, youth, and poetic inspiration. She appeared in the dreams of Aengus Óg, son of the river goddess Bóann and the great Dagdha, leader of the Tuatha de Danann. Aengus, god of love, youth, and poetic inspiration, was enchanted by her nightly visits. Though he never spoke of it, her presence in his dreams left him lovesick and longing. For a year, she came to him in sleep, playing haunting melodies on her timpan. Aengus grew ill, consumed by his yearning to remain in the dreamworld beside her. A healer was summoned and quickly understood the nature of his affliction. With the help of Bóann, a search began—but yielded no results. Dagdha then enlisted Bodb, king of the Munster sidhe, who spent another year seeking Caer. Eventually, Queen Medb and King Aillil of Connacht joined the quest, as Caer’s sidhe lay within their domain. They found Ethal Anbuail and demanded Caer’s hand for Aengus. Ethal refused, explaining that Caer’s will was her own and her magic far surpassed his. He revealed her dual nature—woman and swan—and the ritual of transformation on Samhain. Ethal offered one chance: Aengus must go to Loch Bél Dracon on Samhain, identify Caer among the swans, and call to her. Only if she chose to respond would she be his. Aengus arrived at the lake and saw 150 swans, each adorned with silver chains. Despairing, he searched until one swan, bearing both silver and gold, glided toward him, shining brighter than the rest. He called out, and Caer answered—asking only that she be allowed to return to the water. Aengus agreed and transformed into a swan himself. Together, they circled the lake three times before soaring to Newgrange, singing a song so beautiful it cast a magical sleep over the land for three days and nights. They returned to human form and lived in harmony and love. Legend says that on Samhain Eve, the song of their union can still be heard by those attuned to the unseen. Their story is a metaphor for true connection—one that transcends appearances, ego, and even species. It’s about active listening, not just with ears, but with the heart. 🏰 The Name “Caer”: A Stronghold of Meaning The name Caer in Welsh and Old Celtic means fortress or stronghold. It’s a word that appears in the names of cities like: These cities, once ancient hillforts, carry the legacy of protection, resilience, and rootedness—qualities that Caer Ibormeith herself embodies. Though she transforms and flows like water, her essence is strong, grounded, and enduring. In this way, Caer is not just a name—it’s a symbol of inner strength, the kind that holds firm even when the world shifts around you. 🦢 What Caer Represents in Celtic Mythology Caer Ibormeith is more than a love interest. She represents: 🌕 Final Thoughts This tale reminds us that love is not possession—it’s recognition. That strength is not rigidity—it’s the ability to transform while staying true to oneself. And that sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is listen—to dreams, to others, and to the quiet voice within. So whether you’re navigating relationships, building your own “stronghold,” or simply seeking beauty in myth, Caer’s story offers timeless wisdom wrapped in feathers and moonlight. Would you like to ilicit the power of CAER?
- [Breaking Free from Alcohol](https://mariadasilva.org/breaking-free-from-alcohol/): Alcohol consumption is one of the most socially accepted habits in modern society, yet it’s also one of the most misunderstood. For many, drinking starts as a casual indulgence and gradually becomes a routine—one that’s hard to break. But what if the urge to drink isn’t truly an addiction, but a subconscious habit? And what if you could reprogram that habit using the power of your mind? The Emotional Roots of Drinking Alcohol is often used as an emotional anaesthetic. People drink not just for pleasure, but to numb pain, escape stress, or cope with unresolved trauma. In therapy, it’s common to find that excessive drinking is linked to emotional wounds. Understanding these roots is essential—because if you don’t address the underlying cause, the habit will persist. The Three Types of Drinkers Most people fall into one of three categories: What separates these groups isn’t just willpower—it’s often a subconscious lack of self-love. When we don’t value ourselves, our instinct for self-care weakens, making it easier to fall into harmful patterns. Alcohol: The Toxic Truth Despite its popularity, alcohol is a toxin. Even diluted, it damages the body and increases the risk of: It also contributes to social issues like violence, family breakdowns, and homelessness. The illusion that alcohol helps us relax or have fun is just that—an illusion. The stress it “relieves” is often caused by the craving itself, and the fun is usually tied to the event, not the drink. The Subconscious Mind and Alcohol Most people don’t enjoy the taste of alcohol when they first try it. The body instinctively rejects it. But through repeated exposure—often driven by peer pressure or the desire to appear “grown-up”—we override this instinct. Eventually, the subconscious adapts, changing our perception of alcohol from unpleasant to palatable. This reprogramming leads to increased tolerance, which in turn leads to increased consumption. The subconscious begins to believe that alcohol is necessary, creating a compulsion that feels like addiction but is often just a deeply ingrained habit. Addiction vs. Habit So, is alcohol consumption an addiction or a habit? For most people, it’s a habit. Unlike heroin addiction, which involves intense cravings and withdrawal symptoms, alcohol habits are triggered by routine and environment. If you don’t crave alcohol in the middle of the night or feel compelled to drink in extreme circumstances, it’s likely a habit. However, if you experience withdrawal symptoms—tremors, hallucinations, depression—when you stop drinking, medical attention is essential. For the majority, though, the challenge is breaking a subconscious routine, not battling a chemical dependency. Hypnotherapy: Rewiring the Mind This is where hypnotherapy becomes a powerful ally. Hypnotherapy works by accessing the subconscious mind—the part responsible for automated behaviours and emotional responses. Through guided relaxation and suggestion, hypnotherapy helps you: Unlike willpower alone, which relies on conscious effort, hypnotherapy works at the root level—where habits are formed and maintained. It helps you rewrite the internal script that says “I need alcohol to cope” into “I am strong, capable, and free without it.” Many people report that after just a few sessions, their cravings diminish, their confidence grows, and their relationship with alcohol changes dramatically. Breaking the Habit: Practical Steps Recognizing alcohol consumption as a habit is empowering. Habits can be broken or replaced. Strategies include: Imagination and visualization are powerful tools. Picture yourself healthy, clear-headed, and proud. Use guided imagery or hypnosis to reinforce your goals. Social Dynamics and Staying Strong When you quit drinking, reactions will vary. True friends and family will support you, while drinking buddies may feel threatened. Their discomfort often stems from their own unresolved habits. Stay firm, avoid judgment, and protect your progress. The Slippery Slope One final warning: success in quitting does not mean you’ve mastered alcohol. Returning to “moderate” drinking often leads back down the slippery slope. The safest path is complete abstinence. Once you’re on the level path, stay there. Final Thoughts Alcohol may be socially accepted, but that doesn’t make it harmless. If you’re ready to break free, know that you’re not alone—and that change is possible. Whether you choose to stop immediately or gradually, the key is to understand the subconscious forces at play and use tools like hypnotherapy to reprogram your mind for health, clarity, and self-respect. You deserve a life that’s vibrant, joyful, and free from toxic habits. And with the right mindset and support, you can achieve it.
- [Trauma Therapy:  A Gentle Revolution](https://mariadasilva.org/the-rewind-technique-for-trauma-therapy/): A Quiet Night, A Loud Memory Dan hadn’t slept through the night in years. Every time he closed his eyes, the same scene played out: flashing lights, shattered glass, the sound of sirens. It had been over a decade since the accident, but his mind replayed it like a film stuck on loop. Therapy had helped a little, but the memories still felt raw—too vivid, too loud. Then, one afternoon, his new therapist introduced something different. No retelling. No reliving. Just a quiet space, a relaxed breath, and a guided visualization. Sophie imagined watching the memory like a movie on a screen. Then she rewound it—again and again—until the emotional sting began to fade. Weeks later, she found herself walking past the intersection where it all happened. Her heart didn’t race. Her breath stayed steady. For the first time, she felt like the past was truly behind her. The Rewind Technique In the world of trauma therapy, few methods have sparked as much quiet transformation as the Rewind Technique. Developed in the early 1990s, this approach offers a non-intrusive, fast, and effective way to help individuals process traumatic memories—without requiring them to relive the pain. As more therapists adopt it and research continues to validate its impact, the Rewind Technique is gaining recognition as a powerful tool in the trauma therapy arsenal. Origins and development of the Rewind Technique for trauma therapy The Rewind Technique was pioneered by Dr. David Muss, a British psychiatrist who sought a more humane and efficient way to treat post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Traditional exposure therapies often required patients to recount traumatic events in vivid detail, which could be distressing and even retraumatizing. Muss envisioned a method that allowed the brain to reprocess traumatic memories without conscious re-experiencing. The technique is based on the concept of memory reconsolidation—a neurological process where recalled memories can be modified before being stored again. During a Rewind session, the client is guided into a relaxed state and asked to visualize watching their traumatic memory as if it were a film. They then mentally “rewind” the film, often multiple times, which helps the brain reframe the memory and reduce its emotional intensity. Who’s using the Rewind Technique for trauma therapy? Originally developed for PTSD, the Rewind Technique has since been adopted by therapists, counselors, and trauma specialists across the globe. It’s used to treat a wide range of trauma-related conditions, including: One compelling example comes from a study involving military veterans in the UK. Administered through Veterans’ NHS Wales, the technique was shown to significantly reduce symptoms of PTSD, depression, and insomnia after just a few sessions. Notably, none of the participants dropped out of treatment, and over half required no further therapy. What does the research say about the Rewind Technique for trauma therapy? While anecdotal success stories abound, the Rewind Technique has also been subjected to rigorous scientific scrutiny. A growing body of research supports its efficacy: These findings are especially promising given the technique’s speed and simplicity. Unlike prolonged exposure therapies, which can take months, Rewind often yields results in just a few sessions. This makes it particularly valuable in resource-limited settings or for individuals who are reluctant to engage in traditional talk therapy. Voices from the Field Therapists who use the Rewind Technique often describe it as “magic”—not because it’s mysterious, but because of its elegant simplicity and profound impact. In my own experience I’ve worked with several diffrent cases. some examples: A mother that lost a child – Became able to relax about her other children and reported “today would be the 15 birthday of my son. I have never felt so calm”. A client hunted by a car accident that happened 10 years ago – after the Rewind, no anxiety when in the passagers sit anymore, no anger, no fear. In his words “I can enjoy the landscape!”. A client who was terrified of dogs due to having been bitten by one as a child – the family has adopted a dog recently. A veteran who used to feel anxious in crowded places such as city centres and supermarkets – “not even thinking about it now”. A client who was extremly anxious about the news, especially war events, due to have watched the twin towers colapse during the 9/11, when she was 8 years old – finaly stoped checking the news every hour. And many, many others. Such stories are echoed by practitioners worldwide, who praise the technique for being: The Road Ahead for trauma therapy Despite its growing popularity, the Rewind Technique is still underutilized in many clinical settings. Advocates argue that more therapists should be trained in its use, and that further comparative studies should be conducted to benchmark its effectiveness against other trauma therapies. As mental health professionals continue to seek treatments that are both compassionate and evidence-based, the Rewind Technique stands out as a beacon of hope. It offers a way to heal without harm, to remember without reliving, and to move forward without being held back by the past. References: Human Givens: The Rewind Technique – Effective Trauma Therapy Tool and A fast treatment for trauma and phobias – evidence supporting the rewind technique Bandler, R (1985). Using Your Brain for a Change. Real People Press, Moab, UT.Muss, D (1991). A new technique for treating post-traumatic stress disorder. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 30,1, 91– Wright, L A, Kitchiner, N et al (2023). Rewind for posttraumatic stress disorder: a randomized controlled trial. Depression and Anxiety, doi: 10.1155/2023/6279649 Military Help: Effectiveness of the Rewind technique in treatment-seeking military veterans presenting with post-traumatic stress disorder in an NHS setting | BMJ Military Health Adams, S. (2017).Human Givens Rewind treatment for PTSD and sub-threshold trauma: Systematic review and meta-analysis. University of Leicester (Doctoral thesis).Available via Human Givens Institute summary:https://www.humangivens.com/research/human-givens-rewind-treatment-for-ptsd-and-sub-threshold-trauma/ [humangivens.com] Adams, S., & Allan, S. (2019).Human givens rewind trauma treatment: Description and conceptualisation.Mental Health Review Journal.https://doi.org/10.1108/MHRJ-06-2018-0016 [researchgate.net] Adams, S., Allan, S., Andrews, W., Guy, K., Timmins, J., & Barr, E. (2022).Four practice-based preliminary studies on Human Givens Rewind treatment for posttraumatic stress in Great Britain.F1000Research, 9, 1252.https://f1000research.com/articles/9-1252 [f1000research.com] Veterans NHS Wales (Cardiff & Vale University Health Board). (2025).Study on the effectiveness of the Rewind Technique in military veterans.Reported via Human Givens Institute:https://www.humangivens.com/research/nhs-study-validates-rewind-technique/ [humangivens.com] Health Research Authority (HRA).RETURN Trial: Reconsolidation Using Rewind Technique (ongoing RCT).https://www.hra.nhs.uk/planning-and-improving-research/application-summaries/research-summaries/return-reconsolidation-using-rewind/ A fast treatment for trauma and phobias – Evidence for the rewind technique.https://www.hgi.org.uk/articles/evidence-for-the-rewind-technique/ [hgi.org.uk] Human Givens Rewind treatment for PTSD and sub-threshold trauma (research summary).https://www.humangivens.com/research/human-givens-rewind-treatment-for-ptsd-and-sub-threshold-trauma/ [humangivens.com] Muss, D. (1991–present work).The Rewind Technique for PTSD.Developed within clinical trauma practice (UK). International Association for Rewind Trauma Therapy (IARTT):https://www.iartt.com/the-rewind/
- [In person or online therapy?](https://mariadasilva.org/online-therapy-vs-in-person-therapy/): Discover the pros and cons of online therapy vs in-person therapy, and find out which format fits your lifestyle, comfort, and mental health needs best. Let’s face it—life can be a bit of a mess sometimes. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, depression, relationship woes, or just the existential dread of choosing what to watch on Netflix, therapy can be a game-changer. But in today’s world, you’ve got options: do you go old-school and sit on a therapist’s couch, or do you log in from your own couch (possibly in pajamas, with a cat on your lap)? Let’s break down the advantages and disadvantages of both online and in-person therapy, with a sprinkle of humor and a dash of real talk. 🛋️ In-Person Therapy: The Classic Couch Experience ✅ Advantages ❌ Disadvantages 🖥️ Online Therapy: The Couch Comes to You ✅ Advantages ❌ Disadvantages 🧩 So… Which One’s Right for You? Here’s a quick cheat sheet based on common issues: Problem Recommended Format Why? Social Anxiety Online (initially) Less pressure, easier to open up. Severe Depression In-Person More support, better monitoring. Relationship Counseling Either Online is great for long-distance couples; in-person for deeper connection. Work Stress Online Easy to fit into a busy schedule. Trauma/PTSD In-Person Safer environment for intense emotions. Mild Anxiety or Life Coaching Online Flexible and accessible. When the Screen Isn’t Enough: Can Online Therapy Deepen Loneliness? Online therapy has revolutionized mental health care—bringing support to people in remote areas, those with mobility issues, or anyone who just prefers to cry in sweatpants. But while it offers convenience and accessibility, there’s a quieter, more complex side to the story: can online therapy unintentionally deepen feelings of loneliness? For some, the answer might be yes. Therapy, at its core, is a deeply human experience. It’s not just about words—it’s about presence. The subtle comfort of sitting in a room with someone who’s fully there for you, who notices your body language, your sighs, your silences. Online therapy, despite its many strengths, can sometimes feel like a facsimile of that connection. A pixelated face on a screen may not always meet the emotional needs of someone already feeling isolated. This is especially true for individuals whose loneliness stems from a lack of meaningful, in-person interaction. For them, therapy might be the only time they feel truly seen. When that interaction is virtual, it can feel less grounding—more like a meeting than a moment of connection. That said, online therapy isn’t inherently isolating. For many, it’s a lifeline. But it’s important to recognize that for some, especially those struggling with chronic loneliness or touch starvation, it might not be enough. The takeaway? Therapy should be tailored. If online sessions leave you feeling more alone, it’s okay to explore in-person options—or even hybrid models. Because healing isn’t just about talking—it’s about feeling connected, too. 💬 Final Thoughts There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. The best therapy format is the one that works for you—your lifestyle, your comfort level, and your needs. The important thing is that you’re taking steps to care for your mental health. Whether you’re on a couch or a computer chair, you’re doing great. And hey, if all else fails, there’s always the cat. 🐱 Find here more about different types of therapy
- [Hypnotherapy - How can it help you?](https://mariadasilva.org/hypnotherapy/): Hypnotherapy and specially, Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy, has been proven to be an effective and sustainable form of therapy in areas like weight-loss, IBS, moderate anxiety and depression, stop smoking, improve performance and confidence, etc. Here you will find information about the pros and cons of hypnotherapy and research about the subject. “Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world.” Einstein . The word “hypnosis” has always had a bit a mysterious connotation. Some people seem to encourage the believe that they have a very special or even esoteric skill, when they use hypnosis. This is added to by the fact that, although hypnosis has been known about for centuries, and been the subject of scientific research for over 200 years, there is still widespread misconceptions about what it actually is. Unfortunately, hypnosis has become more widely recognised as ‘entertainment’ than as an instrument to change negative behaviours, ameliorate mental problems and ease some physical difficulties. What is a hypnotic trance state? Hypnosis or Guided Imagery induces a state of relaxation and focus (trance) with the objective to make changes and learn new responses to the challenges we face. The fact is that anyone who can focus their attention, use their imagination or who can become emotionally aroused, will, regularly, enter trance. We are in a self-induced trance whenever we are highly emotionally aroused.  We can be in a trance (or in flow) when we are absorbed in creative activities or using our skills (gardening, writing, cooking, singing, dancing, playing football, etc.) The famous state known as “being in the zone’ or ‘peak experience’, when we know how to do something really well and we effortlessly become one with what we are doing is also a trance state. The deepest trance we experience is while sleeping, during the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) state. We all spend part of our sleep time dreaming. It is during this state that we learn essential skills for our survival and we process emotional arousal. So, hypnosis is not just a state of relaxation and concentration – It is the way we learn survival templates, the way we are conditioned, and the way we form our beliefs – and also the way we solve problems. Hypnosis and self-hypnosis in therapy . Hypnosis is a powerful tool to help people change. Once a person is in a trance state, therapists can make powerful, positive psychological interventions, such as embedding empowering suggestions, giving direct instructions, and guiding the rehearsal of desired outcomes in imagination. Guided Imagery also provides the best platform for desensitizing from strong emotions from traumatic events. This is why, using specific techniques, offers the fastest method to help people overcome phobias and PTSD. Trance plus therapeutic interventions are what constitutes hypnotherapy. Good therapy should include a combination of methodologies.  We are all different, and improving life performance or tackling emotional problems always involves taking into account several factors, such as how our thoughts and beliefs are built, our social and cultural background, and the habits we already have. Nevertheless, Guided Imagery is a powerful tool that should be used as an essential part of the treatment. What does a hypnotherapy session involve? It’s important to note that the experience of hypnotherapy can vary from person to person, and not everyone will have the same experience. Additionally, the effectiveness of hypnotherapy can depend on factors such as the skill of the therapist, the willingness of the person undergoing therapy, and the specific goals and issues being addressed in the session. The science behind hypnotherapy . Scientific research about the benefits of using Guided Imagery in several circumstances and to several different problems had been increasing since the early history of hypnotherapy. Here are some of them: For weight-loss There have been several studies investigating the effectiveness of hypnosis for weight loss. Here are some of the key findings: Overall these findings suggest that hypnosis is an effective adjunct to other weight loss interventions. It’s important to note that individual results may vary and hypnosis should be used in conjunction with other healthy lifestyle changes, such as diet and exercise, for the best chance of success. More about the reasons we gain weight here. For pain relief and physical health2,3 Several studies show that people who are hypnotized before undergoing medical procedures like biopsies needed less sedation during the process, and experienced less pain, nausea, and emotional distress afterwards. Hypnosis has been found to be effective when treating acute pain after accidents and for chronic long-term pain, as well as increasing the immune system response. . For stress and anxiety4 Hypnosis has long been used to overcome fear and anxiety and also to quickly and comfortably cure phobias. Many therapists use a hypnotic technique to help people dissociate from negative events, which has been shown to reduce fear by making difficult memories feel comfortable and indifferent. Researchers at the Stanford University School of Medicine carried out a study on children who were anxious about medical examinations. Forty-four children participated. The group who was taught self-hypnosis reported much less anxiety and the examinations in their group even took less time. . For motivation5 Hypnosis can be used for all kinds of motivational issues, ranging from starting a healthy style of life, achieving goals, starting something new, feeling motivated to learn and change, etc. Research has shown that people are more likely to actually do something they’ve hypnotically rehearsed. . For performance6 Hypnotherapy has been used to improve concentration, reaction time, sports performance, and muscle strength. A study showed that basketball players taught to visualize a free throw radically improved their skills without physically touching a basketball. Another study published in 2007 found that hypnotic visualization can increase muscle strength almost as much as actual exercise. . For self-esteem and self-confidence7 Guided imagery uses the imagination constructively to embed self-confidence and encourage a strong sense of who you are and what you can become. . For changing habits and stop addictions8 We know something is a ‘habit’ when we no longer have to really think much about it Bad habits can be replaced with good habits. Of course, some habits are easier to change than others but Guided Imagery has been proven effective as a way of changing habits and stopping addictions. For example, a meta-analysis at the University of Iowa looked at more than 600 studies about the best way of stopping smoke. The results included 48 studies of hypnosis covering 6000 smokers. They clearly showed that hypnotherapy was three times more effective than nicotine replacement therapy. . For childbirth9 Hypnosis has long been used to ease anxiety and pain in labour and childbirth. The findings of a systematic review and a randomized controlled trial demonstrated significantly improved outcomes among women who used hypnosis during childbirth.  The researchers concluded that “outcomes are consistently in favour of hypnosis”. They suggested hypnosis could be considered an effective alternative to epidural anaesthesia because it is less invasive, and not associated with serious complications, and many women seem to find it a more satisfying way of giving birth, handing control back to the mother. . . For insomnia and sleep disorders11 Insomnia and other sleep disorders can be caused and, in turn, worsened, by anxiety and stress. College students with insomnia were assigned one of three treatments for a study: After three therapy sessions, the progressive and hypnotic relaxation groups showed significantly greater improvement than the no-treatment controls. And hypnosis proved significantly more effective than just relaxation training. . For depression12 Now we know that hypnotherapy, used expertly, is a wonderful tool in helping treat depression. It helps to still the mind, which is just what depressed people who chronically ruminate need. It calms down the mind and body – extremely helpful, as depressed people always have higher than normal levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Hypnosis helps people sleep better, recoup lost energy and rehearse new positive behaviours, as well as build motivation to meet their emotional needs in satisfying ways. Do you have questions? Feel free to contact me anytime. When you email me, only me will read it. It comes directly to me and I will personally reply to you. You can be assured of the confidentiality and safety of the process. I will try and answer as soon as possible. I am looking forward to hearing from you. https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2016/07/study-identifies-brain-areas-altered-during-hypnotic-trances.html 2. Mind Prepared: Hypnosis in Surgery | JNCI: Journal of the National Cancer Institute | Oxford Academic (oup.com) 3. Hypnosis as a treatment of chronic widespread pain in general practice: A randomized controlled pilot trial | BMC Musculoskeletal Disorders | Full Text (biomedcentral.com) 4. Psychological approaches during conscious sedation. Hypnosis versus stress reducing strategies: a prospective randomized study – PubMed (nih.gov) 5. Picture yourself at the polls: visual perspective in mental imagery affects self-perception and behavior – PubMed (nih.gov) 6.https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Jamie-Barker-2/publication/260174545_Using_Hypnosis_to_Enhance_Self-Efficacy_in_Sport_Performers/links/00b7d52fe1b6f8a326000000/Using-Hypnosis-to-Enhance-Self-Efficacy-in-Sport-Performers.pdf 7. J Ilmi, T Suharsono, M Ingarianti – … Advances in Social Science, Education and Humanities Research Volume 128, 2017 – atlantis-press.com. 8. A meta-analytic comparison of the effectiveness of smoking cessation methods – PubMed (nih.gov) 9.https://www.nct.org.uk/sites/default/files/related_documents/Semple%20Self%20hypnosis%20for%20labour%20and%20birth%20p16-20%20Dec11.pdf Hypnosis for pain relief in labour and childbirth: a systematic review | BJA: British Journal of Anaesthesia | Oxford Academic (oup.com) 10. Australian Journal of Clinical and Experimental Hypnosis Vol. 31, No. 2, 2003, 121–127 http://www.hypnosisaustralia.org.au/wpcontent/uploads/journal/AJCEH_Vol31_No2_NOV03.pdf#page=31 11. Controlled investigation of the effects of progressive and hypnotic relaxation on insomnia. – PsycNET (apa.org) 12. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00029157.2001.10403465 Books: *How does hypnosis work? eBook from Mark Tyrrel https://www.google.co.uk/books/edition/Treating_Depression_with_Hypnosis/Ny31hlfksrgC?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=treating%20depression%20with%20hypnosis&pg=PR4&printsec=frontcover https://www.humangivens.com/publications/how-to-lift-depression-fast/
- [Convinience food is making you fat](https://mariadasilva.org/food/): Understanding weight-gain will help you on your journey to weight-loss. Knowledge is power. The survival Instinct Our hunter-gatherer ancestors didn’t have much sugar and carbohydrates at their disposal but they had a very active life in searching for food and building shelters. Your ancestor would spend hours and hours looking for food (in the woods, not in Tesco). He would be tired and hungry after a long time of searching. He is feeling desperate for food because he’s burnt most of what he last ate, maybe 24 hours ago. But then, something wonderful happens… He found a supply of honey! All that energy in one go! The sugar in that honey might just give them the energy to chase that deer so they can eat properly. That natural sugary snack, so high on the glycaemic index, has saved their life. Yes, eating huge amounts of carbohydrates when we could grasp it (which was almost never back then) is part of human instinct. Your survival instinct doesn’t care whether you look great on the beach or if your health is gradually vanishing.  It will have you looking for the fastest form of energy to get you racing after wildebeest. In our culture, refined carbohydrates are at our disposal all the time. Sugary foods are all around us. Easy to pick up, easy to eat… we don’t even think about what we are doing – we just open the cupboard and there it is – a nice biscuit full of sugar. It became an everyday thing, not a treat we give to ourselves once in a while. Confort food? Many of us eat highly caloric foods in times of stress or sadness in an attempt to change our mood. We believe that eating provides comfort and improves low mood. We start to eat to feel better after the end of a relationship, to alleviate grief, to feel less sad, etc. We don’t eat when we feel hungry – even when we have enough food in our stomach we continue to eat without thinking – as puppets guided by a strange force. We learn to look for rapid solutions when our emotional needs are not fulfilled. Generally, these solutions are unhealthy and deceptive. For example, if we are bored, we really need to be giving and getting attention or to pursue greater meaning in our life or be challenged creatively. Eating is not going to make us less bored – it is going to make us ashamed, angry at ourselves and ill. If we need to feel safe, we need to search for the reasons we feel unsafe and change the situation. Eating is not going to protect us from an unsafe situation/feeling. And we may have also forgotten that there are authentic ways of meeting the needs we are longing for. We use food as an attempted solution to bad feelings so often that we have forgotten what real hunger, a real need to refuel, even feels like. The problem is not eating to feel better – the problem is what we eat. Industry makes us eating foor that makes fat. . You are not the perpetrator – you are the victim here. No, it is not a matter of ‘calories in and calories out. We’ve been indoctrinated to believe the presupposition: “if you are going eat it, it is better you burn it or you are going to store it” Scientists have discovered that this hypothesis is wrong. Let’s see if we can look at it in another way. What about:  “If you eat something that changes your brain (and liver), you are going to feel as if you did not eat enough and you are going to need more food”? No, you are not overweight because you eat too much. You are overweight because you eat certain types of food that change the chemistry of your brain.   What happened is that about 40 years ago fructose and sucrose were introduced in the food industry to enhance the food taste, disguise the amount of added salt, and preserve food so it can be shelved and exported. We have it everywhere – in beverages, burgers, pretzels, ketchup, pre-made food…, and baby food!!! We have an epidemy of obese 6-months olds around the world!!! How do you explain this? A ‘normal’ baby only eats when they are hungry. We are giving our babies food with an abnormal quantity of sugar (just read the labels). The consumption of fructose prior to WWII was 15 to 24 gr/day. It is now 55 gr/day for adults and 73 gr/day for adolescents. Research at the California Universit proved that Sugar and Ethanol are the same things to your liver. How do we make alcohol? Fermenting sugars. Your liver deals with fructose and saccharose the same way it deals with alcohol. And gets the same problems when it is consumed in excess. You are not going to give your kid a beer or a bottle of wine – but you easily give them a can or two of coke. Fructose is ethanol without the buzz. You may think that fructose is natural, and must be good. Well, tobacco is natural, alcohol is natural, poison mushrooms are natural… Another big problem is that the food industry took the fibre out of food. Our ancestors would eat 100 to 300 gr of fibre per day. Now we eat 12g. Why? Makes food easy to shelf, easy to cook, and more appellative for the eyes. When God made the poison, he also made the antidote. Wherever in nature there is fructose there is also fibre. Have you tried to eat sugar cane? It’s impossible due to the amount of fibre. That’s why fruit is good for you – the sugar is complemented by fibre. And the fibre makes all the difference. It optimizes the function of the friendly bacteria in the gut, increases feelings of fullness, reduces the impact of fructose, and prevents spikes in blood sugar. It helps you to lose weight in many ways. The reality is that we had our food supply contaminated, and tainted, … by the addiction to fructose and the removal of fibre. And that made us fat, lethargic, and ill. How do added sugars damage your brain? You don’t know when to stop – There is a signal in your brain that tells you when you have enough. It signalises to the prefrontal cortex that you are done, finished – I don’t need to eat anymore. Its name is Leptin. The consumption of sucrose and fructose produces a series of reactions in your liver. These reactions interfere with insulin sensitivity and confuse the Leptin receptors in your brain. This means that the signal telling you had enough food, the sensation that you are done, the finish is missing. You are not able to feel satisfied and you think you are still hungry. When you eat fructose, you are not able to know when you need to stop eating. You get addicted – When you eat sweet foods, dopamine is released in your brain – it is the chemical that tells you – “this is good”. This fires the reward system and reinforces your behaviour. This means that you are going to repeat this action again. We learn by repetition. Repeated activation of the reward system by eating sugar is going to train your brain to want more and more because the brain adapts to frequent stimulation and becomes tolerant to the stimulus. This means you are going to need more and more stimulus to get the same reward. So, the more you eat sweet foods and drinks, the more you are going to crave them. Just like any other addiction. You are not thinking properly – Your prefrontal cortex is involved in decision making, impulse control and delaying gratification. Research shows that sweet foods shut down your inhibitory neurons and you will be less able to make decisions and control your behaviour. Your memory is affected – Sugar also disturbs your hippocampus – the memory centre. Less new neurons are formed and inflammation increases. Your mental capacity is going to diminish, it’s going to be more difficult to learn at school or work.  Your brain is going to shrink.  You will become less able to remember… Dementia is lurking. Sugar affects your mood. Brain imagery showed that the ability to process emotions is inhibited when there is elevated blood sugar. Sugar was also linked to depression. This means you eat when you are in a low mood and you get even worse a couple of hours later. Again, a vicious circle. What has exercise to do with weight-loss? Not what you would expect Does it burn calories? Oh yes, 20 min of jogging is one chocolate chip cookie. One BigMac and you’ve got to run your bike for ten hours. It is not possible to balance the number of calories you eat only with exercise – you will burn out before you get any real effect. But exercise is good for other several reasons. It improves skeletal muscle insulin sensitivity Reduces stress, and resultant cortisol release makes your appetite go down. Improves liver sensitivity to insulin – detoxifies fructose.   Is it genetic? In the last 30 years, we as humans are 25 pounds fatter than we were before. Our genetic composition did not change in 30 years, that’s for sure. But our environment has greatly changed.   Researchers have found that emotional eating is: There are studies showing that the earlier you expose kids to sweets, the more they are going to crave it in the future. There are studies3 showing that the more sugar you eat when you are pregnant the more it gets across the placenta and causes developmental programming changing the kid’s brain cells even before they are born. Every time parents give ice cream to their children when they fall over, stuff them with biscuits when they didn’t get that party invite, or otherwise smother their body with calories when they feel emotional distress – they are “training” the children. Parents who use comfort food are conditioning their children to use food to feel better. And this can persist into adulthood. What can be learned can also be unlearned If we trained our brains to follow a certain pattern, we can train our brains to follow another, better, pattern. And we learn new patterns through imagination and repetition. You are not fat. Being fat is a result of long-term training in a society dominated by profit. You can be overweight for now, but that is not who you are. It is just a pattern, a habit, something you do without thinking because it became familiar and conditioned by the environment where we live. We are being poisoned but we have the power to change things – by changing you change the world. Let’s see what you can do: Decide what is really important for you Is watching Netflix for hours more important than your health? How many hours do you spend watching TV or on social media and how many minutes do you spend cooking nice, healthy food? Have you ever realized how the balance is unfair to yourself? Yes, I know, I am there too. While looking at those screens you forget your own life and for an hour or two, you are distracted, entertained, living other people’s lives. But avoiding thinking about your own life doesn’t solve your problems. Usually increases your problems. Put some music on, wear a sexy apron, rehearse some dance steps and start cooking. Find ways of enjoying yourself while you cook. It is not necessary to make a receipt to win the Master Chef. It can be very simple but include good oils, fresh vegetables, fruit, etc. It is half an hour of your day, half an hour! And I can assure you – it is much more important than winning the Master Chef. And caution – cooking is not to...
- [Changing habits](https://mariadasilva.org/changing-habits/): Changing habits can be a challenging process, but there are several effective ways to go about it. Here are some of the best ways to change habits: Smart goals to change habits Set specific and realistic goals: Clearly define the habit you want to change and set specific and achievable goals. Break down the goal into small achievable steps, which can be accomplished easily. You need a goal but also know the necessary steps to achieve it. What is the cause of your habits? Understand the underlying causes: Try to identify the underlying causes of the habit you want to change. Knowing why you have the habit can help you create a plan to address it. What is the plan Create a plan and stick to it: Once you have identified the habit and the underlying causes, create a plan to change the habit. Be realistic about what you can accomplish and break the plan down into achievable steps. Reward yourself Use positive reinforcement: Reward yourself for making progress towards your goal. This positive reinforcement can help you stay motivated and continue to make progress. Get support Surround yourself with supportive people: Surround yourself with people who support your goals and can help you stay motivated. Your friends, family or therapist. Be aware Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your habits and help you recognize triggers that lead to the habit. This awareness can help you make conscious decisions to change the habit. Self-hypnosis Listen to Guided Imagery audios is the most powerful way to help yourself. Imagining the outcome you desire as vivid as possible will help your mind to focus and get used to the outcome. Keep going Be patient and persistent: Changing habits takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and keep trying, even if you experience setbacks along the way. Remember that changing habits is a gradual process that requires effort, commitment, imagination and patience. By using these strategies, you can successfully change your habits and achieve your goals. Do you have questions? Feel free to contact me anytime. When you email me, only me will read it. It comes directly to me and I will personally reply to you. You can be assured of the confidentiality and safety of the process. I will try and answer as soon as possible. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
- [Addictions - there is a wound driving you](https://mariadasilva.org/addictions-there-is-a-wound-driving-you/): Loneliness, boredom, anxiety, trauma, meaninglessness, all make us vulnerable to addictions. They are not excuses; they are emotional signals that our emotional needs are not being met. Addictions served a purpose… the purpose of having some relief from pain. Something was missing and we thought this would be the answer. There is a wound driving your addiction Trauma is behind most addictions. Childhood adverse experiences change our bodies and brain, and we look for “self-medication” like alcohol or drugs or gambling, or work, or porn, or food, or shopping … anything that promises to smooth the emotional pain derived from the torments we have been through. It is an escapee from reality. And as an escape, we see it as a solution to a problem. Maybe we feel more freedom, more confidence, more self-esteem, … in the beginning, addictions gave us something that was missing in our lives. There is always an element of charm at first but then the “relationship” becomes abusive, taking more than what it gives. We trade our beauty, health, peace, and life in exchange for a small pleasure…sometimes it is not even a pleasure anymore. And we need to understand what is forcing us to “self-medicate”. We need to find ways to address the traumatic memories that lead us to the addictions. Addictions are just a temporary fix to a bigger problem. If something is repeated enough times, our brain is going to turn it into a habit. After a certain time, we start to do it in “auto pilot”. We don’t really need to think about it – we just do it – unconsciously.   And then we need more and more of whatever it is we are addicted to getting less and less reward. We engage with the addiction simply to function, to ‘feel normal’. The habit has become part of our identity. We think, or our emotional brain thinks, that we wouldn’t be ourselves without the addiction. But we were born free of addictions, weren’t we? There was a time when we could live without it and certainly, there is a time when we will no longer be controlled by it. Just like with any con artist, we get sucked in theis stories. But, eventually, we start to see through them and realize they are in fact stealing from us. They’re stealing our self-esteem as they put us down and belittle us. They’re stealing our independence and our peace of mind. We feel trapped and want to walk away from them – but they convince us we can’t possibly live without them. Still, the more we see through them, the more out of love we become. The more we want to break away… Addictions are constantly lying to you. The promises of calm, excitement and happiness they pretend to give you can lead you to the deadliest agreements you can make. How do you know if you are addicted? If you are dealing with three of the following situations it is likely you will recognize an addiction to some kind of substance/behaviour. These include tobacco, psychotropic drugs, alcohol, sugar, gambling, pornography, etc.   . 1. Preoccupation with the substance: You spend a great deal of time in activities necessary to get the substance, taking the substance or recovering from its effects. 2. Unintentional overuse: You begin to find repeatedly that you have taken more of the substance than you initially intended. For example, you go to the pub for a pint and 6 pints later you are still there. You intended to gamble £20 and you already lost £200. 3. Tolerance: You feel that you need increasing amounts of it to produce the same desired effect. Your brain adapts to the drug so that you need more and more to get as high. 4. Withdrawal: Your body requires a certain level of the substance to be constantly present in order to function normally. You feel that when the level of a substance in your body drops you experience withdrawal symptoms – these can range from mild anxiety and tremor to acute psychosis and, in extreme cases, death. 5. Relief substance use: You are taking the substance to relieve withdrawal symptoms. 6. Persistent desire or efforts to control the substance/behaviour use: You tried repeatedly to quit, and repeatedly relapsed. 7. Impaired performance: The use of the substance caused you problems at home, at work and on social occasions 8. Abandoning important social occupational or recreational activities for the sake of drug use: Many of life’s major responsibilities – work, friendship, marriage, child-rearing – conflict with heavy drug use and you may be given up as a result. 9. Continued substance uses despite serious substance-abuse related problems: Many people who continue to smoke suffer from cancer, emphysema, heart disease and other related conditions. Alcoholics know that consumption is destroying their families but they continue to drink. Is it really dangerous to use substances? I was always against the war our society made on drugs. First, I never understood why someone consuming cannabis would be arrested and someone drinking alcohol wouldn’t. I used to look at all the problems people get themselves in, just to buy illegal drugs and I wanted this to end.  I wanted at least this facet of the problem to go away. So, what I would have liked to see was cannabis growing in all public gardens. Thus, no one would profit from selling them and no one would buy drugs. I also thought that the consumption would drop as it wouldn’t be associated with the underground culture and its attractiveness. But when I started to study the effects of drugs (both legal and illegal) I started to see all the facets of the problem. The problem is not just the trading process and all the gang culture that brings. There are other real problems for the consumer.   . Deaths One of the problems is obviously the risks attached to drug-taking. These risks arise from the nature of the drug, how much is taken, what the drug is cut with – i.e. what the pure form is diluted with, besides the means of delivery. About 1,800 people a year die from misuse of illegal drugs – that’s an average of 5 people a day. Tragic as each of these deaths are, this figure must be balanced against the 300 people each day who die in the UK as a result of smoking – that is, about 100,000 people a year. About 82 people each day die from the effects of alcohol abuse. 64% of the population is overweight or obese with all the associated diseases. . Enriched substances Cannabis (and other drugs) that is sold in 2021 is completely different from the cannabis that was sold in the 60s and 70s, the time of hippies and flowers in the hair. The fact is that the cannabis plants have been enriched in the psychotropic component and are now 10 times more concentrated than before but also less pure. Changes our brain Our brain is designed to give us peaks of satisfaction and ecstasy. These heights happen when we do something that promotes our survival. For example, chemicals like dopamine are released whenever we feel hungry and eat, whenever we are tired and rest, whenever we learn new skills, whenever we exercise our body, whenever we reach a goal, whenever we succeed in our sports, whenever we succeed at our academic challenges, whenever we find a solution to a problem, whenever we are admired by our peer group the brain releases these substances to make us feel good. Therefore, our body releases substances that naturally cause the same highs as drugs. We produce our own cocaine, alcohol, heroin or cannabis naturally. When we take drugs from outside, like alcohol or cannabis, or even when we engage in certain behaviours, the chemicals our body would naturally release are turned down and progressively cease to be produced. Because the brain needs to balance the amount of this chemical circulating in our body. . This is the problem. When we take drugs, we stop living – what motivates us, what gives us joy, what gives us passion and enthusiasm, what calms us, what gives us satisfaction and contentment is no longer produced naturally because it was replaced by the instant buzz that the drug or the behaviour gives. Addictions hijack a natural brain mechanism. Joe Griffin False promisses culture We live in a culture of heights. It is sold to us that good living is to be in a constant euphoric state. We should have the best figure, the most expensive clothes, the showy car. We should be the Soul of the Party, in the constant exhibition, take holidays on the beach, look for happiness elsewhere … otherwise we are not living. What a fallacy this is! You can get the same pleasure in life by having a good conversation, by walking in the park with your kids, by reading a book, by just sitting and relaxing, by looking into the eyes of your lover, etc. The problem arises when people think they need drugs to engage in this frenetic culture where everything needs to be ready to use. Nobody realises that to have really heights in life we need to do the work, we need to work for it. The real height is when you are challenged and you cope with it when you have a goal and you achieve it, when do you the work and fulfil your needs. Addictions are a quick fix to your life. They lie to you and they convince you to believe you can fix your problems without working for them.  It is not possible. . The thing is you are not addicted to a substance or behaviour – you are addicted to the expectation you have about what you think the drug will do for you. And these expectations have huge lies. . Lies addictions are telling you: Illusion: You feel out of control and stressed. Take this drug and you will be in control again. Reality: Of course, you won’t – take the drug and you have less control over your life. Are you going to be able to pay your mortgage if you go to work drunk? Can you really control anything in your life? …………. Illusion: Drink this alcohol and you will have confidence. Reality: You will have less genuine self-esteem because you feel you can’t perform without it. Look, you can analyse the chemicals on the alcohol or on the drugs. You will not find any joke there, any song, anything that makes you the life and soul of the party. It is not in the constituents of the drug. It is inside of you.  If you do become social under the effects it is because of the social skill which is there all the time, inside of you.  You are doing it, not the alcohol. What you have to learn is how to access those abilities soberly. ………… Illusion: You can form genuine relationships through shared addictions experiences. Reality: If you ask people in rehab who came to visit them, the answer is invariable their family, a brother or a sister, their children, their parents, their partners. It is never their friends from the pub. It is never their fellow addicts. Because you don’t form genuine friends through addiction. Addicts only care about their fellow addicts to the extent that they facilitate the drug experience ………… Illusion: The addictions experience is a genuinely meaningful one. Reality: You do not get withdrawal symptoms from a genuinely meaningful experience – you get bliss. To get meaning you have to stretch yourself. There are no shortcuts to self-development. Try hanging out at a party or other experience where people are stoned or drunk when you are stoned or inebriated like the others. You will think you have such a meaningful experience – you are going to solve the problems of the world. Try going to...
- [10 Tips For a Successful Relationship](https://mariadasilva.org/10-tips-for-a-successful-relationship/): What’s the key to a successful relationship? Some say that truly is the “million-dollar” question. Sometimes it’s just the simple things that we easily forget or think are unimportant that hold the key to a healthy and happy relationship. Read through the helpful tips below on how to make your relationship go the distance. If you do this you will see your relationships improve. You need quality time together for a successful relationship I know… life gets in the way. It is the school run, work, housekeeping and … Netflix, Social Media, gamming, etc. Without quality time together, your relationship will not survive. Aim to devote at least half an hour a night, and at least a couple of days a month when the two of you spend time exclusively together, if you want to have a successful relationship. And during that time you are interested i each other. You listen to each other’s problems and joys. You are genuinely curious about each other. A successful relationship is a committed relationship You both want to feel secure within the relationship. A good relationship is built on compromise and a lot of give and take from both of you. If you are thinking that “you could do better” the most likely is that your thoughts are going to get scattered and your brain doesn’t know where to focus attention. Commit yourself on making it work, and half of the problems go away. Don’t tell people what to do, when to do it, how to do it … you don’t need to be right I know, your way of doing things is the right way. Your partner thinks exactly the same. The right way for us is the way we are familiar with. There is no right and wrong way. Be really aware of what is your business and what is your partner business. Do not interfere. You don’t need to be right, you don’t need to justify yourself or defend yourself. Take responsibility for your happiness and let them be. Often those little things that first attracted you to your partner can turn into nasty annoying habits. Learn to love your partner, warts and all. Don’t try to change them into something they’re not, after all you fell in love with them just the way they were. You hate when people want’s to change you, don’t you? So, stop doing to others what you don’t like done to you. Simple. Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate… If you live with someone, even if it is just a room mate, you need to negotiate. The same with your partner. Being money one of the top conflicts between most couples, you need to negotiate a budget. For the relationship to work, you need to address your finances. Yes, some of us thing that we should save for when we can’t work and some of us think that we can die tomorrow, so let’s live today. No right or wrong. But if your partner has different ideas about how to spend money, a budget including money to expenses, money to save and money for fun is always a good idea. Remember, is about feeling safe and make the other person feel safe too. It is about past conditioning and trauma. If you are feeling overreactive take a look at this article to help you nundertand what is going on. Stop for a second before talking To have a successful relationship, learn to argue well. Never say something to your partner that you wouldn’t want to hear said back. Don’t listen to respond, listen to understand. In those 30 seconds before saying anything, ask yourself: “would I like this said to me?” If not, change the way you say it. Most of the times is not what is said that makes people defensive, it is how it’s said. Just treat your partner as you would treat you clients or your boss. Your partner is much more important than this people. Avoid criticizing, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling, the 4 horsman of a dumed relationship. Focus on the problem instead of focusing on the other person character. Use “I statements” Communication is vital to have a successful relationship. Listen to your partner and avoid blame and judgment. Don’t let your emotions dictate your behavior. If you are feeling emotionally aroused, you can’t think properly. You need to live the situation and explain to your partner that you can talk about it later. Don’t let then wander – explain that this is not the moment to talk about that but you are willing to go thro it later, when you feel calm. Remember, just talking things over can help you to both have a deeper understanding of each other. Use “I” statements. Instead of “You are always late. You never think of others”, say “I feel anxious when you are late. Can we agree in calling each other when, for some reason, we are late?” My needs versus your needs Sort out your sex life, if you are in a romantic relationship. There will be times when sex is put on the back burner. Communicate with your partner your expectations. When the sexual drive is different, the person who is rejected often feels unloved and stops asking (nobody likes to be rejected). This can lead to total absence of intimacy. If that happens, restart by massaging each other without leading to intercourse. This will take the pressure of the act and you will feel more open and connected. You need Me time and we time in a successful relationship Try to keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell your partner how much you need them, but don’t get too dependent on them and cling to them all the time, as that can make your partner feel trapped. On the flip side of this, don’t allow your partner to think you don’t need them, by going or doing things without them. Try to keep a happy and healthy balance between the two. You both need me time and we time. Take responsibility for part of the problem Look at yourself! Explore the situation and your responsibility in any situation. What could you do differently? We all have flaws and we all make mistakes. Learn to forgive. The past doesn’t matter anymore. Not forgiving is punishing yourself for others mistakes. Start marriage number 2 today … with the same person. You know, Paul married Louisa. They would have an argument after the party, because he likes to dring and she doesn’t. But if Paul had married Sandra, they would have an argument before that party, because she takes too long to get dressed and he like to be on time. But if he had married Patricia, they wouldn’t go to the party together because e she doesn’t like parties… If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, and feel the trust can never be regained, them a break and start again, with someone new. Get some help Don’t ever think that going to counseling is a sign of a failed relationship. It can turn a bad relationship around and can also turn an average relationship into an excellent one. More and more people are turning to counseling today than ever, it shows you are both prepared to try and make things better, which can’t be a bad thing at all. The fact remains, that whether you’re dating or married, relationships are hard. It takes 100% commitment from both of you. However, healthy and long-lasting relationships are achievable and many couples have proven just that. Not everything is always going to be perfect but if you both choose to make it work then it will. And remember, people in happy relationships are healthier, wealthier and happier than singles or people in bad relationships. You choose
- [Overreactive?  - Is it a disorder or an adaptation?](https://mariadasilva.org/overreactive/): Over reactiveness is not a disorder, it is an adaptation 
- [Improve your communication skills - Episode 1](https://mariadasilva.org/improve-your-communication-skills-episode-1/): The meaning of communication is the response you get
- [7 Presuppositions for life - Ideas worth living for](https://mariadasilva.org/ideas-worth-living-for/): Please reflect upon this ideas. They are some of the presuppositions of NLP. It will help you navigate the world in a more realistic and gentle way.
- [What is the best type of therapy for your problem?](https://mariadasilva.org/type-of-therapy/): Type of therapy to choose
- [10 online dating mistakes to avoid](https://mariadasilva.org/10-online-dating-mistakes-to-avoid/): Online dating can be stressful or can be fun.   It's how you do it that can make a difference
- [Anger - the courage to transform it](https://mariadasilva.org/anger/): We all feel angry at times – it's part of being human. It isn't a 'bad' emotion; in fact, it is a useful, energizing emotion in its place. It drives us into action against threats, it allows us to define our boundaries, it can help us to realize when something is not working for us and encourage change or motivate us to achieve our goals. Can even be a catalyst for social change.  However, anger becomes a serious problem when you express your anger through destructive behaviour. This means you react angrily when something does not go as you wish and your well-being and the well-being of people around you are seriously affected.
- [Boundaries - Your domain](https://mariadasilva.org/boundaries/): Boundaries - In what regards my own space and my boundaries, what are the things that I have a right to? And a responsibility to?  Because, if I have a right to it, I also have a responsibility for it.   These are interesting questions, that will help me to define and defend my domain. So, let's see...
- [Understand your "emotional brain"](https://mariadasilva.org/how-does-your-brain-work/): Understanding your emotional brain is understanding yourself. Knowledge is power. 
- [About self-harm - So confusing and upsetting for parents](https://mariadasilva.org/about-self-harm-for-parents/): Self-harm - so upsetting. Learn to deal with it. 
- [Our approach to therapy - 6 dimensions for powerful change](https://mariadasilva.org/our-approach-to-therapy/): Here you will check our therapeutic principles and the general structure of our programs. However, we are all unique! So, a flexible approach is in place so we can adapt to your preferences and specific needs. You know best what you like or dislike and we are here to serve you.
- [How to Attact a Supportive Boyfriend](https://mariadasilva.org/boyfriend/): The right boyfriend is not found by luck. In the world of dating and relationships, the desire for a supportive partner is universal. But what does “supportive” truly mean? Is it about constant reassurance, romantic gestures, or someone who simply listens? The truth is, support in a relationship is multi-dimensional—and understanding how to cultivate it begins with understanding yourself, your needs, and the natural stages of romantic development. Drawing inspiration from relationship expert John Gray*, this blog explores the five key stages of dating—Attraction, Uncertainty, Commitment, Intimacy, and Engagement—and how to navigate each with emotional intelligence, self-respect, and clarity. Whether you’re just starting to date or seeking to deepen an existing bond, this guide will help you attract and nurture a supportive boyfriend who values you for who you are. By this order. Take the time to really get to know each other. Moving in through these 5 stages of dating assures that you get the opportunity to fully know someone and experience the best and the worst of that person before getting married. If you are quick to fall in love, be careful to proceed slowly and let the relationship pass the test of time. Only time will tell you if he is the right person and most important, only time will tell him you are the right woman. If things go too quickly, men don’t have the motivation to move ahead. When a woman moves faster through the stages, a man will tend to put on the brakes. You think you are in love but it is just a flush of oxytocin that makes you think that – remember, physiological reactions are not feelings. You need to experienced chemistry on all four levels— physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual before getting too close. When couples connect too soon, the man generally ends up pulling away, while the woman feels needier. When a man eventually tastes the fulfilment of experiencing complete physical intimacy with someone with whom he also shares emotional, mental, and spiritual intimacy, he cannot go back. Stage 1: Attraction – Let Him Discover You Attraction is the spark that ignites interest. But it’s also the stage where many women make the mistake of giving too much, too soon. In this phase, it’s essential to let him know how to please you—not by demanding, but by expressing your desires clearly and positively. Men are drawn to women who are easy to please—not because they’re low-maintenance, but because they express joy and appreciation when their needs are met. If you show him how he can make you happy and then celebrate his efforts, he’ll feel empowered and motivated to continue. In early dating, mutual attraction sparks curiosity, but physical interest alone doesn’t guarantee emotional depth. A man may initially idealize a woman, mistaking infatuation for love, yet true connection unfolds only through time and genuine interaction. To deepen his interest, a woman should speak openly and positively, revealing her authentic self without focusing on past issues or emotional baggage. Expressing desires clearly and showing appreciation when he meets them makes her seem more approachable and fulfilling. Men are drawn to women who are easy to please and radiate positivity. Timing matters—share your best self first, and let deeper layers emerge gradually. Men are naturally drawn to challenge and pursuit; if they aren’t given the chance to earn a woman’s attention and feel valued for their effort, their interest fades. Like a hunter who loses excitement when the prey makes itself too easy, a man disengages when there’s no thrill in the chase. Women, often nurturing by nature, must resist the urge to over-accommodate early on. A man quickly decides if a woman is worth pursuing—usually within minutes—and that initial spark determines the relationship’s potential. If he doesn’t pursue you from the start, don’t chase him. Stay feminine, receptive, and let him lead. Sex holds deep significance for many men, often ranking high among their emotional and physical needs. However, offering intimacy too soon can undermine genuine connection. Early seduction may attract the wrong kind of attention—those seeking only physical gratification. Instead, allow time to reveal a man’s true intentions. A man who values more than your body will be patient, consistent, and eager to earn your trust. Watch his actions: does he show care, reliability, and a desire to protect and support you? Emotional and physical closeness should evolve gradually. When he works to win your heart, the bond becomes meaningful and lasting. Men are naturally drawn to the thrill of pursuit, so it’s wise to let them initiate early steps in dating. However, that doesn’t mean surrendering control. If you constantly adjust to a man’s schedule—like accepting last-minute plans—you risk losing your sense of autonomy and lowering your value. Instead, assert boundaries confidently and avoid over-explaining. This signals self-respect and encourages him to prioritize you. Emotional intelligence is key: resist acting on impulsive feelings like jealousy or neediness. Pause, reflect, and choose actions that serve your long-term happiness. True empowerment in relationships comes from self-control, clear standards, and valuing your own time. Many women mistakenly believe that physical beauty is their greatest asset in attracting men. While appearance may spark initial interest, it’s not what sustains long-term connection. Beauty fades, and relying solely on it is a losing strategy. What truly captivates a man over time is a woman’s character, confidence, and emotional depth. Just like a stunning view that becomes ordinary when seen daily, external allure loses its impact without substance behind it. A woman who values herself and radiates self-love keeps a man intrigued and respectful. He should always feel fortunate to be with her—and aware that she won’t settle for less. A woman should express her desire for a meaningful relationship with clarity and warmth, rather than acting indifferent or overly independent. Men are drawn to women who are open to emotional connection and show they value companionship. When a woman confidently acknowledges her need for a partner—not out of desperation but from a place of self-assurance—it highlights her most appealing traits. This makes a man feel purposeful and appreciated. The key is to show gratitude for what he offers, not demand more than he can give. Confidence in receiving love, paired with genuine appreciation, fosters attraction and avoids appearing emotionally needy. Tip: Avoid sharing emotional baggage early on. Instead, focus on your passions, dreams, and what brings you joy. Let him see your autonomous, radiant side. Stage 2: Uncertainty – Let Him Pull Away and Return After the initial excitement, uncertainty often creeps in. This is natural. Men, in particular, may pull away to reflect on whether they’re the right fit for you. This is not rejection—it’s a rubber band effect. If you chase him during this phase, he may feel suffocated and retreat further. He may begin asking himself deeper questions: “Am I truly the right fit for her? Can I meet her emotional needs? Will I be enough?” This introspective pause often leads him to temporarily withdraw—not out of disinterest, but to gain clarity. Unfortunately, many women misinterpret this shift, especially after he’s shown strong interest early on. Doubts creep in: Did I do something wrong? Is he losing interest? Should I reach out? These reactions, though natural, can lead to counterproductive behaviors like chasing or questioning him excessively. Men typically don’t respond well to being pursued during this reflective stage. It disrupts their process and can diminish their perception of the woman’s value. Instead, the wisest approach is to resist the urge to intervene and focus on self-care. Fill your time with meaningful activities, lean on supportive friendships, and allow space for him to return on his own terms. Think of men like elastic bands—they stretch away but often snap back with renewed interest. When he does, welcome him warmly without resentment. A subtle, friendly gesture can reassure him that he’s still welcome, making it easier for him to reconnect without fear of rejection. Instead, give him space. Fill your life with activities, friends, and self-care. When he sees that you’re thriving independently, he’ll be drawn back to your energy. And when he returns, welcome him warmly—without resentment or interrogation. Tip: Send a friendly signal if he’s been distant. A simple message that shows you’re open and not holding grudges can reignite his interest. Stage 3: Commitment – Show Your High Value Commitment doesn’t mean marriage—it’s the stage where both partners decide to date exclusively. Here, your role shifts from attracting to maintaining respect and standards. A high-value woman knows her worth. She doesn’t nag or punish a man for missteps. Instead, she sets boundaries by giving less time and attention when disrespected. She doesn’t wait for him to change—she walks away if necessary. A high-value woman is someone who knows her worth and lives by it. She’s emotionally grounded, independent, and sets clear standards for how she expects to be treated. Instead of reacting with anger or passive-aggression when a man disappoints her, she simply withdraws her attention and invests her energy elsewhere. She doesn’t wait around for a man to change or mature—she walks away if the relationship lacks long-term potential. During dating, people show their best selves, so any red flags should be taken seriously. If something bothers her, she reflects honestly and decides whether it’s worth addressing or letting go.She communicates her needs calmly and confidently, never assuming a man will read her mind. Men often want to help but wait to be asked, so expressing desires clearly makes her more attractive. Requests should be framed positively, without blame or emotional pressure. Complaints and nagging only push him away, while respectful, self-assured communication draws him closer. Using “I” statements like “I’d appreciate…” or “It makes me feel…” helps maintain emotional clarity. When he responds well, she shows appreciation, reinforcing his efforts. Her strength lies in knowing she can thrive with or without him—and he senses that, which makes her irresistible. Men thrive on feeling valued and capable in a relationship. When a woman genuinely shows that his efforts bring her joy, he’s far more inclined to keep giving. What inspires a man to say “yes” to a request isn’t pressure or obligation—it’s the sense that he’s making a meaningful impact. At this stage, it’s not about doing things for him; it’s about allowing yourself to receive with grace and openness. That’s how emotional intimacy deepens.Rather than offering compliments, which often feel superficial to men, express sincere appreciation for what he does. Men are wired to solve problems and rise to challenges—they want to feel useful and needed. When you acknowledge his actions and the difference they make in your life, it reinforces his sense of purpose and strengthens the bond between you. Avoid sharing negative emotions too early; instead, focus on cultivating warmth and gratitude. That’s what makes him feel like a hero in your story. Tip: Ask for support clearly and confidently. Men want to help, but they need instructions. Use phrases like “I’d really appreciate…” or “It would mean a lot to me if…” and always show appreciation when he follows through. Stage 4: Intimacy – Share Yourself Fully Intimacy is about vulnerability. It’s the stage where you can finally let down your guard and share your full emotional landscape. But even here, emotional intelligence is key. At this stage of emotional connection, you begin to feel safe enough to lower your defenses and reveal your true self. Having witnessed someone’s best qualities over time, your heart opens more fully, allowing you to accept their flaws without losing affection. You’re now able to express your feelings honestly—even when you’re upset or dissatisfied—without needing to maintain constant positivity. This deeper emotional sharing paves the way for greater physical intimacy, as both partners feel more secure and connected.Men also feel relief during this phase, as they’ve been anticipating deeper closeness. However, as intimacy grows, it’s natural for a man to occasionally withdraw. This isn’t a reflection of your worth—it’s part of his emotional rhythm. Each time he...
- [How to support your men](https://mariadasilva.org/how-to-support-your-men/): Please keep this in mind when interacting with your partner, brother, father, colleague... You have the power to transform your relationships.  
- [Do you wish to be in a relationship? How to prepare yourself to be "the one".](https://mariadasilva.org/to-be-in-a-relationship-ready/): So, do you think you are ready to start a relationship? Maybe yes, maybe not. Take a look and find out. You may be surprised. 
- [Break up](https://mariadasilva.org/break-up/): Feeling hurt due to the end of a relationship? Let's talk
- [Good therapy or pseudo-therapy? Beware of the differences.](https://mariadasilva.org/bad-and-good-therapy/): What are the characteristics of a good therapist? Check here and protect yourself from ineffective psychotherapy. 
- [ENS - Emotional Needs Scale](https://mariadasilva.org/ens-emotional-needs-scale/): Are your Innate Emotional Needs  being met?  Answer this questionnaire and find out 
- [Discover highly sensitive people... maybe you are one of them!?](https://mariadasilva.org/highly-sensitive-people/): About 20% of us has born as a Highly Sensitive Person. Check if you are a HSP and what is different about you. You can also learn how to accept  and empower yourself. 
- [Trauma Questionnaire](https://mariadasilva.org/impact-of-trauma-questionnaire/): Have you been disturbed by traumatic events? Is your behaviour and feeling conditioned by past traumatic circumstances? Take this questionnaire. You can be helped and things will change. 
- [Trauma - there is hope](https://mariadasilva.org/trauma/): Your brain and PTSD / how trauma can affect you / effective treatment for trauma.  
- [Anxiety first-aid](https://mariadasilva.org/anxiety/): Are you worrying all the time and having trouble relaxing? Maybe you have good reasons to do it. You just need to learn how to manage your emotional brain. In one to three sessions you can find tools to deal with the challenges in your life and find peace inside of you. 
- [Code of Ethics](https://mariadasilva.org/code-of-ethics/): Check here our Code of Ethics 
- [Are your Innate Needs being met?](https://mariadasilva.org/your-innate-needs/): Do you feel something is missing in your life? Are you trying to fulfil your natural emotional needs with unhealthy stuff? Take a time to understand what is going on - sit back and answer these questions. If you need help we are here to guide you - contact-us.

## Pages

- [Code of Ethics](https://mariadasilva.org/code-of-ethics/): I follow the General Hypnotherapy Register’s Code of Ethics in my psychotherapy and hypnotherapy practice. My Commitment to Ethical Practice Maria da Silva – Psychotherapist & Hypnotherapist As a registered practitioner with the General Hypnotherapy Register (GHR), I follow a strict Code of Ethics designed to protect your wellbeing, dignity, and privacy. Here’s how I apply these principles in my work with you: 1. Professional Integrity and Competence I only offer therapy in areas where I am fully trained, experienced, and insured. If your needs fall outside my scope, I will always refer you to a more suitable professional. I am transparent about my qualifications and memberships, and I’m happy to share these with you at any time. 2. Respect and Equality I treat every client with equal care and respect, regardless of background, identity, or beliefs. My practice is inclusive and non-judgmental, and I strive to create a safe space for everyone. 3. Clear Communication Before we begin therapy, I will explain: I never promise a cure, but I do commit to working with you toward meaningful change. 4. Client Welfare Your wellbeing is my priority. I work to support your autonomy and emotional safety. If I believe therapy is no longer beneficial, I will discuss this with you and help you find appropriate support elsewhere. If you’re experiencing physical symptoms, I will always recommend consulting a medical professional. I do not diagnose physical or mental conditions. 5. Confidentiality and Data Protection Everything you share with me is kept confidential, unless there is a legal or safety reason to disclose (e.g. risk of harm to yourself or others). I follow UK GDPR guidelines to protect your personal data, and I store your records securely. I will never record or share your sessions without your written consent. If I use anonymized case material for supervision or training, I will always respect your wishes and privacy. 6. Boundaries and Safety I maintain clear professional boundaries at all times. I will never exploit our relationship emotionally, financially, or in any other way. If physical techniques are used (e.g. tactile induction in hypnotherapy), I will explain them and ask for your permission first. I also ensure that my therapy space is safe, comfortable, and appropriate for our work together. 7. Transparency and Accountability If you ever have concerns about my conduct or the therapy process, I will guide you on how to raise a complaint through the appropriate channels. I am committed to ethical transparency and continuous professional development.
- [Privacy Notice](https://mariadasilva.org/privacy-notice/): Maria da Silva – Integrative TherapyAddress: 1 Stratford Court, Stratford Rd, Stroud, GL5 4AQEffective Date: 30/09/2020 As a registered psychotherapist, both with professional associations (GHR) and with the Information Commissionaire’s Office, I take your privacy seriously and am committed to protecting your personal data. This notice explains how I collect, use, and safeguard your information. 1. What Information I Collect I collect and store the following personal data from clients: This information is collected to provide safe, effective, and personalized therapeutic services. 2. How Your Data Is Used Your data is used solely for: 3. Lawful Basis for Processing I process your data under the lawful basis of consent and/or contract. By engaging in therapy, you consent to the collection and use of your data as described. 4. Data Sharing I do not share your personal data with any third parties unless required by law (e.g., safeguarding concerns or legal obligations). 5. Data Storage and Security Your data is stored securely in password-protected digital systems and/or locked physical files. I take all reasonable steps to ensure your information is protected from unauthorized access, loss, or misuse. 6. Your Rights You have the right to: To exercise any of these rights, please contact me directly. 7. Retention Period I retain client records for 7 years after therapy ends, in line with professional guidelines. After this period, your data will be securely deleted. Website Privacy & Comment Policy Maria da Silva – Psychotherapy ServicesAddress: 1 Stratford Court, Stratford Rd, Stroud, GL5 4AQ 1. Introduction This Privacy & Comment Policy explains how I collect, use, and protect your personal data when you visit my website, leave comments, or follow links to other websites. I am committed to safeguarding your privacy and complying with UK data protection laws. 2. What Information I Collect When you visit this website, I may collect: 3. Comments If you leave a comment on the website: 4. Cookies and Analytics This website may use cookies to: You will be asked to consent to cookies when you first visit. You can manage or withdraw your consent at any time through your browser settings. 5. External Links This website may contain links to other websites. Please note: 6. How Your Data Is Used Your data is used only for: I do NOT share your data with third parties unless legally required to do so by the court. 7. Your Rights Under the UK GDPR, you have the right to: To exercise your rights, please contact me directly. 8. Data Security and Retention 9. Contact If you have any questions about this policy or your data, please contact: Maria da SilvaEmail: maria@mariadasilva.orgPhone: +44 (0) 7957615940
- [Pay in three instalments for the Nest workshops](https://mariadasilva.org/pay-in-three-instalments-nest/): We know times are difficult. That’s why we make sure our customers don’t miss the opportunity to get the guidance and support they need and deserve. You can pay for the workshop in three small instalments if you use PayPal. For one person: For 2 people:
- [Pay in three instalments for the Peace & Joy Program](https://mariadasilva.org/pay-in-three-instalments-pj/): We know times are difficult. That’s why we make sure our clients don’t miss the opportunity to get the guidance and support they need and deserve. You can pay in three smaller instalments, if you are approved by PayPal
- [Relationship in crisis? Find your Peace & Joy](https://mariadasilva.org/relationship-skills/): Peace & Joy is a 12-step program to save and transform your relationship Who is this relationship program for? This program is for you!For you who ask yourself “what happened to us? We are supposed to love each other and instead, we are in this constant war. Or as far apart as two asteroids on parallel routes without any attraction to each other? Where is the woman (or man) I fell in love with?Where did the passion, the friendship, the fun go?Why doesn’t she/he understand me? For you Who are disillusioned in your relationship, alone and confused. You, whom asks “is that all?Am I better off alone?Is it too late? Love is not enough Many couples love each other but they are not skilled enough to make the relationship work. Yes, it is a skill… and this is good news – you can learn a skill, can’t you? With a correct understanding of our different ways of thinking and feeling, marriage can be a source of joy, support, pleasure, and fulfilment, instead of a potential source of frustration, discouragement, worry, and embarrassment. CAER offers couples (or individuals) in crisis a program based in the Gottman approach to therapy and non-violent \communication, that has been proven excellent to overcome relationship problems and find the joy and peace they need in their relationships. Through years of helping couples understand how to get out of their crisis, she created a hugely successful program where you will work at a conscious and unconscious level. This is a journey of discovery about yourself, your partner and your relationship. When we misunderstand ourselves and each other, we can unknowingly sabotage a great relationship. What you will learn during the Peace & Joy Program Problems we can help with LACK OF COMMUNICATION PAST TRAUMA AFFAIRS LOSS OF PASSION SEXLESS MARRIAGE ARGUMENTS RESENTMENT ANXIETY / DEPRESSION / ANGER How important is this for you? Our Integrative Approach We believe that no single method holds all the answers—so our approach blends the best of several transformative frameworks. Drawing from Nonviolent Communication, attachment theory, trauma-informed practices, the Gottman Institute’s relationship science, and John Gray’s gender insights, we offer a holistic experience tailored to your unique needs. Each session weaves these approaches together to support deep healing, authentic connection, and lasting growth Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a powerful framework developed by psychologist Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. It was created to explore how language can either contribute to conflict or foster peace and understanding in our relationships. The Gottman Institute Method is a form of Couples Therapy based on 40 years of research and observation of more than 3000 couples. Gender Intelligence: Understanding and honoring the emotional and psychological differences between people, especially across gender lines. Trauma-informed practice is a compassionate approach that explores childhood experiences and unconscious patterns and/or attachment styles to foster empathy and honour each individual’s unique journey of healing. FEES Single sessions: £90 (one and a half hours) As a reward for you commitment, the Peace & Joy Program saves you £200 The total cost of this program is £880 (Instead of the £1080 you would pay for 12 sessions) Come in I would like to invite you both for a FREE introductory session where we can discuss how this works, if this is the right approach for you and the wonderful possibilities this program entails. It will be also an opportunity for you to ask questions and check how you feel. Check if you feel comfortable and understood. This is important because the relationship with your therapist is the best predictor of success in therapy. So, please, come in and let’s talk. No pressure, no judgement, no commitment. Just a nice chat. 
- [Nest: Parenting resilient & cheerful children in 8 steps](https://mariadasilva.org/nest-parenting/): Do you want to change the world? How are you coping with the stress of daily parenting tasks and maintaining personal well-being? Is it difficult to create and stick to daily routines? Are you struggling to cope with your child stress? Are you handling tantrums, defiance, and other challenging behaviours effectively? Are you struggling to manage competition between siblings? Do you and your partner have different parenting styles? Would you like to engage in open and effective communication with your children? You are not alone Parenting today presents unique and complex challenges, as parents navigate an ever-evolving landscape of societal expectations, technological advancements, and economic pressures. Balancing work and family life has become increasingly demanding, with many parents struggling to find quality time to spend with their children amidst busy schedules. The pervasive influence of technology and social media introduces new concerns around screen time, cyberbullying, and online safety. Additionally, parents face heightened pressure to provide academic support and extracurricular opportunities in an increasingly competitive world. These challenges are compounded by rising mental health issues among both parents and children, making it crucial for families to seek out resources and support systems to foster healthy and nurturing home environments. Nobody should go through this alone! Find support, share your concerns and learn effective skills to empower yourself and your children. Your journey Unit I: Kids and emotions – helping children deal with feelings An exploration of what happens to children when their feelings are denied. Specific skills that help children to recognize and cope with their negative feelings: disappointment, envy, frustration, resentment, anger, etc. Ways to accept children’s feelings, limit unacceptable behaviour, and still maintain goodwill. Unite II: Principles of Nonviolent Communication How small shifts in language can lead to big changes in your relationship. Because when we speak from the heart and listen with compassion, we don’t just raise children—we raise humans who feel seen, heard, and valued. Unit III: Engaging Cooperation Without Threats, Bribes and Yelling How children react to commonly used methods to get them to cooperate: threats, warnings, orders, name-calling, sarcasm, lecturing, etc. Find ways to invite cooperation that will leave you and your children feeling good about themselves and each other. Unit IV: Alternatives to punishment How do children normally react to punishment? Is it necessary to rely on punishment as a means of discipline? Some alternatives to punishment that enable parents to express their strong disapproval as well as encourage children to assume responsibility for their behaviour. Unit V: Encouraging Responsibility and Autonomy Ways to help children become separate, responsible people who can one day function on their own. Specific skills that help children to become more self-reliant. Unit V: Effective Ways to Praise An exploration of the kinds of praise that build a positive and realistic self-image, and the kinds that are counter-productive. A variety of ways to help our children become aware of their strengths so that they can become confident and resilient. Unit VI: Freeing Children from Negative Roles A look at how children are sometimes cast into roles (bully, whiner, dawdler, mischief-maker, etc.) and how we can free them from playing out these roles. Six skills that help children see themselves in a different and more positive light. Unit VII: Energy and how to save it Good news: your children need you healthy and happy. When we feel well, and in good company, and healthy and rested, we can give to our children and enjoy doing it. Unit VIII: Final Review “Back-to-life” workshop session; a chance to consolidate what’s been learned by applying all the skills of the previous sessions to current problems with children. Investment Invest in you, invest in your family, invest in achieving real success – a balanced and cheerful family. And that will resonate through generations. That’s how we change the world. The parenting workshops take place on Saturday afternoon, from 2 pm to 4 pm. Includes 8 sessions. You can come as a couple or as an individual. Fee One parent: £120 (£15/session) Both parents: £200 (£25/session) Our mission is to provide access to anyone who needs our workshops. If you prefer, you can pay for your workshop in three instalments if you use PayPal. Would you like to be considered to participate?
- [CAER – Centre for Authentic & Empathic Relationships](https://mariadasilva.org/caer-mastering-relationships/): The quality of your relationships defines the quality of your life Do you wish to understand, accept and deeply connect with others? Would you like to be fully present, and help others feel seen, heard, and valued? Do you want to feel safe enough to be fully yourself with your partner, kids and colleagues? Do you crave a bond that honors each person’s individuality while staying deeply connected? 🌿 Welcome to CAER The name of our centre drawn inspiration from the myth of Caer Ibormeith, which symbolizes transformation, the power of deep connection and also a stronghold. It seems to me that the Celtic mythological Caer represents all we want to promote and facilitate with our work. At CAER, we believe that meaningful relationships begin with authentic dialogue. Our programs are designed to help individuals: Whether you’re seeking to save your marriage, improve your communication skills, strengthen your connections, or create a more harmonious workplace, CAER offers a welcoming environment for learning and transformation. Join us in cultivating a culture of empathy, authenticity, and connection. What will our programs do for you? You will recognize your needs without guilt, and honor them while respecting others. You will transform conflict into negotiation and connection, using empathy as a bridge. You will communicate with clarity and compassion, without triggering defensiveness. You will build relationships rooted in authenticity, where honesty and kindness coexist. You will feel more confident navigating difficult conversations, knowing how to stay grounded. You will become a catalyst for deeper connection, whether at work, at home, or in your community. Our programs Peace & Joy – a program for couples in crisis Me to We – for singles who want to become the right person to the right person Nest – Nurturing resilient and cheerful children Bridges – Workshops about Non-Violent Communication Our Integrative Approach We believe that no single method holds all the answers—so our approach blends the best of several transformative frameworks. Drawing from Nonviolent Communication, attachment theory, trauma-informed practices, the Gottman Institute’s relationship science, and John Gray’s gender insights, we offer a holistic experience tailored to your unique needs. Each session weaves these approaches together to support deep healing, authentic connection, and lasting growth Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a powerful framework developed by psychologist Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. It was created to explore how language can either contribute to conflict or foster peace and understanding in our relationships. The Gottman Institute Method is a form of Couples Therapy based on 40 years of research and observation of more than 3000 couples. Gender Intelligence: Understanding and honoring the emotional and psychological differences between people, especially across gender lines. Trauma-informed practice is a compassionate approach that explores childhood experiences and unconscious patterns and/or attachment styles to foster empathy and honour each individual’s unique journey of healing. 🌱 Our Mission CAER exists to support individuals, families, and organizations in cultivating authentic and empathetic relationships. We offer a safe and inclusive space where people can learn, practice, and embody the principles of Nonviolent Communication. Our programs are designed to be: Whether you’re navigating a challenging relationship, seeking to improve family dynamics, or simply wanting to connect more deeply with yourself and others, CAER provides tools and guidance to help you grow. Do you have any questions? Feel free to contact me anytime. When you email me, only me will read it. It comes directly to me, and I will personally reply to you. You can be assured of the confidentiality and safety of the process. I will try and answer as soon as possible. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
- [Dating is daunting! Unlock the skills to make it easier in 8 steps](https://mariadasilva.org/dating/): You may have just gotten out of a meaningful relationship or have been dating relentlessly and just haven’t found someone with whom you are truly compatible. You have been dating the same type of people, repeatedly. Finding the same challenges over and over again. Is it you? It is them? Is it your past-conditioning? Should you give up? Stop asking and learn how to become “the right one”. Me to We is a eight-step program for singles who want to become the right person to the right person Some people are single because they choose to be. They are simply not interested in being in a serious relationship at this time in their life. Others are single due to the circumstances of their lives. Dating can be daunting for many reasons. Finding the right person to have a lovely relationship with is not easy and many of us would benefit from learning some new skills to navigate the dating ocean. We are all unique. We have individual attachment styles and past conditioning. We have specific expectations that sometimes we cannot understand or make others understand. Man and women have unique needs and behaviours, which makes it difficult to receive and give the right support. Many misunderstandings come from different perspectives, different conditioning, and diverse backgrounds. We have “different maps to the same territory”. When we misunderstand ourselves and each other, we can unknowingly sabotage a great relationship. The Me to We Skills for Dating program will guide you through a step-by-step process of honouring your uniqueness and gaining clarity about your wishes and expectations. You will understand the reason you are still single, be it lacking clarity, defensiveness, unhealthy attractions, fear of intimacy, pickiness, low self-esteem, expectations, or past trauma. You will address the pain of being rejected and what you can do about it. Check this article. You will be able to better appreciate the individual characteristics of other people and embrace your own peculiarities. Only when we understand and are clear about our and others’ needs, we are able to build a loving relationship. You will know how to attract a supportive boyfriend and how to make a girlfriend happy Finally, you will also learn the best way to communicate your needs and get the support you need in a relationship trough Nonviolent Communication. People completing the Me to We Program come from different walks of life, all ages and backgrounds. But they have some things in common: Investment Please weigh the pros and cons of investing in your emotional health and your relationships Investing in a therapeutic program is the best you can do for you and your loved ones. Me to WE program fee (8x 90 min sessions): £450 As with any investment you will win on the long term We know times are difficult. That’s why we make sure our customers don’t miss the opportunity to get the guidance and support they need and deserve. You can pay for therapy in three small instalments if you use PayPal. Come in I would like to invite you for a FREE introductory session where we can discuss how this works, if this is the right approach for you and the wonderful possibilities this program entails. It will be also an opportunity for you to ask questions and check how you feel. Check if you feel comfortable and understood. This is important because the relationship with your therapist is the best predictor of success in therapy. So, please, come in and let’s talk. No pressure, no judgement, no commitment. Just a nice chat.  This can be face to face in Stroud or online anywhere in the world.
- [REVIVE: Overcome Negative Habits and Cravings](https://mariadasilva.org/negative-habits/): How will CBH help you overcome negative habits and master your life? Have you ever come up with amazing New Year’s resolutions of change negative habits like losing weight, starting to save money, setting up your own business, exercising regularly, changing your career, eating more healthily or quitting smoking? You probably pumped yourself up full of enthusiasm and the belief that this year will be very different. Fast-forward, and what happened a month down the line? If you are like the majority of us, you probably went back to where you started. The process of trying and failing to change negative habits is soul-destroying – we have learned to believe that if only we try hard enough and have the willpower, we should be able to change. Research show us that what people believed about willpower is sabotaging our success and creating unnecessary stress. We continue to rely on worn-out strategies for self-control. Now more than ever, we realize that willpower – the ability to control our attention, emotions and desires – influences our physical health, financial security, relationships and professional success. Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy, has been proven to be an effective and sustainable form of therapy in areas like*: Weight-loss Controling negative habits (drinking, smoking, nail biting, etc) Sports/work performance Confidence and self-esteem Phobias PTSD The science of hypnosis Hypnosis has long intrigued both scientists and skeptics, but recent research is shedding light on its genuine potential to help people change habits, control weight, and manage addiction. At its core, hypnosis is a state of focused attention and heightened suggestibility, allowing individuals to access their subconscious mind more directly. This makes it a powerful tool for reprogramming deeply ingrained behaviors and emotional responses. In the realm of weight management, meta-analyses have shown that hypnosis can significantly enhance outcomes when combined with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). One study found that participants receiving hypnosis lost more weight than 94% of control participants at the end of treatment, and 81% at follow-up. The addition of hypnosis to CBT also yielded a large effect size in long-term weight loss, suggesting that it helps reinforce behavioral changes over time. When it comes to addiction, hypnosis works by addressing the psychological and emotional roots of dependency. It helps reduce cravings, manage withdrawal symptoms, and reframe the subconscious triggers that lead to addictive behaviors. Studies have shown its effectiveness in helping individuals quit smoking and reduce alcohol dependency. By introducing positive suggestions during a trance-like state, hypnotherapy can strengthen self-control and promote healthier coping mechanisms.The science behind hypnosis is still evolving, but its efficacy is increasingly supported by clinical evidence. It’s not a magic cure, but when used by trained professionals and integrated into broader treatment plans, hypnosis offers a promising, non-invasive approach to behavior change. Whether you’re trying to break a habit, shed pounds, or overcome addiction, hypnosis may be the missing piece that helps shift your mindset and unlock lasting transformation. The science of willpower Willpower, often seen as the engine behind self-discipline and habit change, is far more than just a moral virtue—it’s a scientifically measurable mind-body response. Psychologists define willpower as the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not a fixed trait but a dynamic resource that can be strengthened or depleted depending on various factors. Willpower is not just about grit—it’s about understanding how your brain works. Neuroscience reveals that willpower is governed by the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s command center for decision-making and impulse control. When we face temptation, this region activates what researchers call the “pause-and-plan” response, helping us override impulsive urges and stay focused on long-term goals. However, recent studies show that change negative habits is not just logical, it’s emotional. Our habits are wired into neural pathways, and trying to change them without addressing the emotional triggers is like trying to reprogram a computer without touching the code. We share eight core emotions that influence behavior and shows how understanding them can unlock lasting transformation. Stress, fatigue, and poor nutrition can all deplete willpower, making it harder to change negative habits. That’s why we need a holistic approach: improving sleep, reducing stress, and cultivating self-awareness. The “magical power of motivation” is not a fleeting feeling, but as a trainable mindset. By aligning goals with personal values and creating emotionally resonant reasons for change, we can boost our brain’s natural drive to follow through. Importantly, willpower can be strengthened. There are practical tools like habit stacking, emotional journaling, and mindfulness that help retrain the brain. Change isn’t about fighting yourself—it’s about working with your brain’s design to build new habits that stick. In short, willpower is not a battle of brute force. It’s a dance between neuroscience, emotion, and strategy—and when you learn the steps, change becomes not only possible, but sustainable. Take action I would like to invite you for an introductory session where we can discuss how this works, if this is the right approach for you. It will be also an opportunity for you to ask questions and check how you feel. Check if you feel comfortable and understood. This is important because the relationship with your therapist is the best predictor of success in therapy. So, please, come in and let’s talk. No pressure, no judgement, no commitment. Just a nice chat. 
- [Struggling to lose weight?](https://mariadasilva.org/hypnotherapy-for-weight-management/): Amber’s Journey: Healing, Hypnosis, and Transformation For years, Amber lived under the shadow of complex PTSD. At 24, she felt weighed down—not just by the 98 kg on the scale, but by the emotional burden of past conditioning. Every attempt to change seemed to collapse under the weight of old patterns and self-doubt. Then Amber discovered Revive, a 16-week cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy program designed to help people break free from limiting beliefs and create lasting transformation. The program combined bi-weekly sessions with self-hypnosis audios, giving her tools to rewire her subconscious and reclaim her life. In the early weeks, Amber learned how her thoughts shaped her behaviours. Guided hypnotherapy sessions helped her reframe painful memories and dismantle the negative conditioning that had kept her stuck. The self-hypnosis audios became her daily ritual—a calming voice reminding her that change was possible. By week eight, Amber noticed subtle but powerful changes. Her cravings diminished, her anxiety eased, and she began making healthier choices without the usual inner struggle. This wasn’t about willpower—it was about creating a new mental blueprint for success. At the end of 16 weeks, Amber had lost 18 kg. But the number on the scale was only part of the story. She gained confidence, improved her health, and felt a sense of freedom she hadn’t experienced in years. For the first time, Amber looked in the mirror and saw not just a lighter body, but a stronger, more resilient version of herself. Revive gave Amber more than weight loss—it gave her back her life. Struggling to loose weight? Trying to implement all the habits necessary to maintain healthy weight all at once is setting oneself up to failure! Joint the REVIVE program This program is not only about losing weight faster and easier than ever before. It is a about knowing yourself and creating life-long sustainable habits. Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy will help you, gradually and sustainably, defeat your cravings, lose weights and become a better version of yourself. In this program, each two weeks, you will learn a new and effortless way to implement new habits. As you create and build upon these small success’s week after week, you are building up your sense of self-confidence and accomplishment. By the time you complete the program, the material will have become integrated into your life for good. When your body is well nurtured, full of real food, it will stop cravings By the end of the Revive Program you will: Able to control your cravings Feel less pain in your body Breathe normally and able to move freely – stop over-swetting or snoring You will feel more comfortable in your own skin and enjoy your reflection more. Become more confident and improve self-esteem Be proud of yourself You will be free You will escape from the tyranny of the fast-food industry and from the condition of habit.  Take action How it works We will use CBT, Hypnotherapy and Science-based willpower techniques. CBT will help you understand yourself better and challenge your beliefs Hypnotherapy will help you relax and open your mind to healthy suggestions The science of willpower will teach you strategies to implement new habits Your journey One step at a time This program includes 8 sessions that spread trough 16 weeks. Step 1: The Foundation Our objective this week is to help you set SMART goals, discover your limiting beliefs and learn how to go into a state of hypnosis. Step 2: Real Hunger You will learn to detect the difference between real hunger and emotional hunger. Between eating to smooth yourself and eating to gain energy. Eating to connect and eating to build the essential blocks of your body. If you want to learn more about what makes you overeat, read this article. Step 6: Eat for your body type This week the focus is on healthy eating habits. Balance is achievable when you listen to your body and inner wisdom. You will start to really taste your food. The ancient medicine of ayurveda will help you understand your body type and choose the best nutrition for your gut health. Step 4: Access the Origin In this session you will be taken back in time to the root of the problem. Sometimes merely getting an understanding of what’s causing the problem may help it resolve on its own. This will be a way to find out at an even deeper level, what beliefs are responsible for keeping on this extra weight. At this level of awareness, we invite in new resources to help you in your endeavour. We use the Rewind Technique to relief from trauma and past-conditioning. Step 3: Imagining the future In this session you will work with two screens. A screen with your present weight situation the way it is now and another screen that brings into reality the new behaviours and body you will create. Step 5: Movement This week we add exercise to the program. Self-hypnosis to build motivation and discipline. The pleasure of moving your body, enjoying the sunlight and being in nature. Week 7: Metabolism This week we work with a hypnosis technique to turn up the metabolism and get it working at a balanced level, to help to burn calories and increase energy. In this session you will work with the cells within the body. We will use techniques to replace white fat by brown fat. Brown fat, also called brown adipose tissue (BAT), helps maintain your body temperature when you get too cold and improves your metabolism. BAT stores energy in a smaller space than white fat. When brown fat burns, it creates heat without shivering. This process is called thermogenesis. During this process, the brown fat also burns calories. Week 8: Banish Old Patterns of Behaviour During this session we will utilize one of the most powerful techniques of Neuro Linguistic Programming. This particular technique was originated by the famous Psychologist, Richard Bandler. It’s called “Switch.” Switching allows one to change the representations of things now considered desirable with things that would be more beneficial. Once you learn how to Switch, you can apply this technique to any habit you desire to change. Weight-loss program – Investment Day-to-day problems related to obesity include: The psychological problems associated with living with obesity can also affect your relationships with family and friends, and may lead to depression. Serious health conditions include: Living with obesity can also increase your risk of developing many potentially serious health conditions, including: Obesity reduces life expectancy by an average of 3 to 10 years, depending on how severe it is. But worse than that, induces low quality of live for many more years. Have you calculated the costs of living like this? You cannot put a value on your well-being and your health. Fees The entire program, including 8 sessions and follow up support is £480. If you wish, you can pay in three small instalments, with PayPal Remember: If you keep doing what you always have done, you are going to get what you have always got. About the science If you are interested in the science behind hypnotherapy for weight loss, please read this article on the Journal of Integrative Medicine. Or this paper on the Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine. For more about hypnotherapy read this article.
- [Pay in Three Instalments](https://mariadasilva.org/pay-in-three-instalments/): We know times are difficult. That’s why we make sure our customers don’t miss the opportunity to get the guidance and support they need and deserve. You can pay in three instalments, if you use PayPal.
- [Fees](https://mariadasilva.org/fees/): Improving your emotional health will bring you more energy, motivation, focus and accomplishment, will transform your relationships and improve your general well-being and happiness. Nothing in life can give you the results and value of a few therapy sessions.  How would you feel if you could turn around problems, limitations, and fears? Can you imagine the impact that having expert help could have on your personal and professional life? You will definitely win in the long run. Introductory Session In Stroud or online 30 min session FREE Single sessions In Stroud or online 1 single session (90 min) £90 Freedom Program In Stroud or online 7 sessions (90 min) Fee: £480 (£150 discount) Peace & Joy Program In Stroud 12 sessions (90 min) Fee: £880 (£200 discount) Do you have any questions? Feel free to contact me anytime. When you email me, only me will read it. It comes directly to me, and I will personally reply to you. You can be assured of the confidentiality and safety of the process. I will try and answer as soon as possible. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Email address: maria@mariadasilva.org
- [Your stories - 10 (or more) successful stories of people like you](https://mariadasilva.org/your-stories/): I think that showing some of our most emblematic case studies would help you to understand how therapy works, the difficulties my clients faced and the successes they achieved. This is not a scientific presentation of case studies. It is just a summary of our challenges, interventions, and visible results. Some of our clients allowed me to also share their story and reviews as testimonials of their experience of being in therapy and completing our programs. They agreed that sharing their experience can help other people decide if coming to therapy would be a good thing. I chose a few from the different programs we have. I am very thankful for their collaboration and proud of their achievements. They got these results because they decided it was enough, they worked hard and they deserve the happiness they found. R&C Stories “I love my family, but I know best what I want and what I need “ R is a hairdresser, lovely person, with a beautiful smile. She is married to C and they have an 8 yo child. C is a big character. A man who works hard to help the family. Time, life, differences in background, stress led to resentment and distance in their relationship. C was working nights and at the weekends R was also working. Manage time was difficult, especially time together. We start to live life more as roommates than as couples when we don’t understand each other and when our needs are not being met. Someone else appeared in their life – and that is always a chock. What to do? Fortunately, these two decided to get some help. Some people in their family advised separation and divorce, but they decided that getting help was the way to resolve their problems and keep the family together. I liked them since the first session. We got along immediately, both with R and with C. They are just the most genuine and authentic people you can find. We worked through the past conditioning in the individual sessions. We also checked how our inner critic puts us down and we challenged thoughts and beliefs that were interfering with their wellbeing. We also stablished strategies and skills to deal with anger. In our couple’s sessions we learn about the unique needs they had, the reasons for the distance and resentment and how to communicate their needs and feelings in a way the other person is happy to help. A certain point C said: “I am going to be rich. I am going to sell this booklet to all my friends and colleagues. Here is the secret about what women want. Every man wants to know that”. Our sessions were full of laugh, learning, growth. It is amazing how intelligent people, people who know what they want, can change so quickly. That’s what happened to this amazing couple. Despite some of their friends and family opinions, they overcome their problems, they rebuilt their relationship from scratch, and they achieved their goals. They sent me other couples, put reviews on Google and they gave me this little present that I cherish with all my heart: PS Story “Can you make me laugh?” P. came to see me after the recommendation from his son. He described himself as a grumpy old miser. He was not happy with his work, and his life and felt he couldn’t enjoy the “supposedly” good moments. He asked in the introductory session “can you make me laugh?”. He had previously had therapy, but he did not enjoy it. The mentioned that therapy was just talking about the past and that his therapist suggested Paul should stop talking to his father. Paul did not feel comfortable with that. His father is now 85 years old “I will feel guilty if I stop talking to my father now, despise what he did when I was a young”. During our program, I noticed that Paul was uncomfortable during his trips in their motorhome and very preoccupied with what other people would think in several circumstances. Only in the second session, Paul mentioned a car accident he was in when he was 17. It was obvious to me that Paul was not an unpleasant person who couldn’t enjoy his holidays and good moments. Paul was a person who experienced a terrifying event and, obviously, his brain was on alert when someone was driving him. And it would take some time to calm down after that – this is the reason he would spend the rest of the day in a bad mood. He agreed that he would be most anxious when his wife was driving. We did the simplest form of the Rewind Technique just for him to start to adapt to the process. Next session I asked how he was and if he felt he needed another go. His answer was: “No I am fine. We went out on the weekend and I enjoyed myself, I was able to appreciate the landscape when my wife was driving and I catch myself laughing and having fun”. P. also found out that in fact, he is a hero. He is someone that broke the generational trauma. In spite of a very restricted childhood, he has two amazing grown-up children that adore him. What Paul did was change the world: Instead of continuing the traumatic behaviours he suffered, Paul raised two happy and wonderful people. In the end, P. was even able to recognize the good character traits he learned from his parents and the good things he brought with him, despite the severity of the “regime” during childhood. We, here, promote forgiveness and empathy – not hate. Right before the last session P. and his wife went out to a Diana Ross concert. To the amazement of everybody, he danced with his wife during the concert. She said to him “Maria would be so proud of you if she could see you right now” Later, unfortunately, P. was diagnosed with a health problem. He said that being working with me was a blessing, otherwise, it would be very difficult to face this challenge. This amazing man did it all himself. He is a kind, determined and focused person who will face any challenge and win. He is coming now for the monthly sessions, so we can continue this amazing work. His wife is right – I am really proud and I feel humbled to have met this amazing human being. His testimonial: What were the most important strategies you have learned during our therapeutic work? The guided imagery is a real positive tool for me giving me 15 mins in the morning just for me to concentrate on myself and helps set the plan for the day. Recording positive and grateful things however small makes me think about the good things from the day before. I have used anchor points a few times and this helps. What is different for you, from when we started? I do not dramatize the little things and have coping strategies to stop the overreaction. I have a goal to work towards of letting myself go and really enjoying the moment, this has happened a couple of times already What would you like to be different? What do you think can be improved in my work? Nothing that I can think off KP Story “Most of all, I am enough” Katie was referred to me by the Social Services in her area. She was at risk of losing custody of her children. In our first session, I could barely hear Katie talking. She would look down and cover her mouth with her clothes. All her body was constrained and repressed, so she would not “occupy too much space”. That’s what happens to people who were in abusive relationships and suffered Adverse Childhood Experiences or Developmental Trauma. They want to disappear! When asked why she came to therapy she said her doctor advised her to have some CBT. Mother of 5 children, from 3 to 16 yo, Katie was remarkably busy and very depressed. She started antidepressants 8 months earlier and finished a relationship with her ex-partner 5 months before. She was feeling a bit better. But the Beck’s Depression Inventory scored in the area of moderate depression. She was struggling with feeling sad, seeing her past as a lot of failures, guilt, disappointment in herself, blame, loss of interest in people and activities and tiredness. Obviously, these are the main symptoms someone with depression would show. In the beginning, our sessions focused on understanding what developmental trauma does to our brains, and how to access our own resources to engage our pre-frontal cortex and calm down our emotional brain. Then we focused on some past traumatic events Katie experienced and used Memory Reconsolidation Techniques. One of the biggest problems she was currently facing was the fear of dogs. A dog attacked katie when she was 11 yo, and, since then, she was afraid of dogs. She would avoid going out to parks or other places where dogs could be playing. She also was afraid for her children, so she would keep them inside or would call them “all the time” to check on their safety. This was resolved in the third session with the Rewind Technique. Afterwards, Katie mentioned that she went out with her children, to the park, and did not think about dogs at all. She was surprised to know a big dog was nearby and she didn’t notice. And this “indifferent state” continued until the end of the therapy. Other childhood traumas were addressed, as well as the trauma related to previous abusive relationships. We also worked with the Inner Critic, supported the Inner child, debated about healthy relationships, and developed skills for assertive communication, parenting, values, etc. Most importantly, we used guided imagery to train the brain and the body to relax and “Rehearse the Future”. After 12 sessions, Katie was a different person. Every week I was surprised to find a new Katie…the way she speaks, writes, walks, the clothes she wears, the way she looks at you and how she deals with her children and her mother, and her new partner (not the abusive one) are motives to be proud. She has new friends; she goes out with her children “as a family” and she has the support of her mother and partner. There are no words to express how proud I am of the growth of this lovely woman. She is fantastic, so brave and intelligent! When we finished, she was focused on the future, believing she has the skills to cope with whatever life brings at her and she considered herself to be honest, bold and ambitious. From someone who barely could take her eyes off the ground 12 weeks earlier and described herself as a total failure … it’s a long way! Katie sent me this lovely postcard that I keep next to my heart: She also filled out the feedback form and gave her testimonial: What were the most important strategies you have learned during our therapeutic work? Challenge my inner critic, keep little bottles of pleasure daily, the different functions of the brain and how to regulate my breathing and thoughts and what I can do to keep myself calm and rational, what I need to meet my innate needs, setting healthy boundaries and assertive communication, challenge my thoughts… how to listen and acknowledge my Children’s feelings with a word, alternatives to punishment granting wishes in fantasy and to let them help solve issues, keeping positive thoughts. What is different for you, from when we started? When I first started, I found it hard to see much good in life and myself I covered my face and wore baggy clothes to feel safe. I struggled with my thoughts and feelings about everything, I held a lot of negativities from traumas in my life. Now I no longer feel the need to hide I now understand how...
- [Hello friend! Are you in need of some help?](https://mariadasilva.org/help/): This letter is for you. As you are visiting this page, I assume that, for some reason, you, or someone you care about needs help. Perhaps you are dealing with challenging situations. Maybe you are trying to find what direction your life should take, or perhaps you would like to stop being so anxious or depressed, or you are struggling in your relationships. Our Integrative approach to therapy, which is a combination of CBT, clinical hypnosis, and the Human Givens solution focused method, will help you in the process of healing the past and creating a better future. Improving your emotional health will bring you more energy, motivation, focus and accomplishment, will transform your relationships and improve your general well-being and happiness. Nothing in life can give you the results and value of a few therapy sessions.  How would you feel if you could turn around problems, limitations, and fears? Can you imagine the impact that having professionsl help could have on your personal and professional life? I am not sure if this is for you, but my clients have been able to overcome past conditioning, accept and honour themselves and transform their future. There are two types of people in this world: those who judge something before they have even tried it and those who are prepared to try and base their opinion on the results they get. In my experience, the latter are able to build themselves a better life. Are you an open-minded person? You know that if you keep doing what you always did you will get what you always got, don’t you? You may also have tried several options previously, only to find out that in a battle between your conscious and your unconscious mind, the latter tends to win. As I see it, you have three options: What is going to be easier for you? I bet you are a little bit like me – you look for the most effective solution in every situation and, as a busy person, you want to see results fast. I know that embarking on a therapy program is always an investment. The good news is that, as with any good investment, you will find yourself winning in the long run. And that’s great! If you agree that coming to see us is your best bet, then I promise you won’t be disappointed. I am confident you will thank me later. Whatever your decision, I want to wish you a bright future, free from worries, negative habits and limitations. Take care,
- [Integrative Therapy](https://mariadasilva.org/): Therapy will transform your life from the roots to the fruits Do you crave Inner Peace and Emotional Balance? Do you want to be free from past conditioning and trauma? Do you desire to control your cravings and rebuild new helpful habits? Do you wish to understand, accept and deeply connect with others? It’s time to learn the skills that will consistently give you that! Hi, I am Maria da Silva, and I am here to guide you on this wonderful journey towards emotional balance and real connection What will Integrative Therapy do for you? You will understand, accept and celebrate your own unique traits You will identify and challenge old beliefs and heal from traumatic memories You will abandon unhelpful habits, control cravings and achieve your goals You will build meaningful connections with people around you. You will learn Nonviolent Communication, so you can drop judgements, shame, guilt, and demands. Our Integrative Therapeutic Method We believe that no single method holds all the answers—so our integrative approach blends the best of several transformative frameworks. Each session weaves these approaches together to support deep healing and sustainable growth: CBT complemented with Hypnotherapy (CBH) is the most researched and effective therapeutic approach to manage emotional disorders*. Trauma-informed therapy is a compassionate approach that honors each individual’s unique journey of healing. The human givens approach to psychotherapy – which was one of the first to actively draw on neuroscientific findings to inform therapeutic practice – is a brief, solution-focused approach which helps people feel better and move on in their lives as quickly as possible. Nonviolent Communication, developed by Marshal Rosenberg, is a form of communication that allows you to interact with others in an authentic and empathic way. The Gottman Institute Method is a form of Couples Therapy based on and 40 years of research and observation of more than 3000 couples. Our programs Freedom – a therapy program for anyone craving Emotional Balance and Inner Peace Peace & Joy Program – a therapy program for couples in crisis Why should you spend your time and hard earned money with me, as opposite to all the other choices you have? 1st – I’ve been there. I struggled as you are struggling. I’ve seen all black for too many years. I ruined my relationships because I was depressed, overwhelmed and just disappointed with life. Then, I got help and I changed, and the world changed around me. Now, I am able to help you. 2nd – I choose science over speculation. My approach to therapy (Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy* and the Gottman approach to couples therapy) have proven to be the most effective and breve, evidence-based therapy, for sustainable change. 3rd – My approach is holistic – Understands the past, empowers the present and looks at the future. Works with your conscious and your unconscious mind and looks at your mental health as part of your total health. 4th – I CARE! and 5th – The sessions duration is one hour and a half (therapy sessions generally last 50 minutes). 6th – You can choose a program (includes two FREE sessions) or come for one session at a time. 7th – If you choose a program you can pay in three instalments (with PayPal). 8th – If, for some reason, you need to stop a program, you will have your money back – you will only pay for the sessions that already took place at a normal rate. “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.” If what you are doing is not working, do something different. Do you have any questions? Feel free to contact me anytime. When you email me, only me will read it. It comes directly to me, and I will personally reply to you. You can be assured of the confidentiality and safety of the process. I will try and answer as soon as possible. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Email address: maria@mariadasilva.org Phone number: 07957615940
- [Freedom Program - 7 steps for Emotional Balance & Inner Peace](https://mariadasilva.org/freedom-emotional-balance/): Who is this program for? Freedom Program is for you, who are craving emotional balance and freedom from negative habits. You, if you feel like the world doesn’t understand you. For you who ask yourself “Why do I feel so anxious, frustrated and sad?”. Is it me?!I should be different! More confident, smarter, more moneyed, taller, shorter, blonder, thinner, fatter…….? Why is life so difficult? Why can’t I change my habits and control my cravings? Is this trauma related? Do I have some kind of mental health problem? Is there a solution for me? Yes, there is help! You will be helped to become conscious of and disconnected from negative patterns of thought and behaviours on a physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual level in order to make significant positive changes in your life. You will learn how to remove habitual ways of thinking and behaving, align with your authentic self, and respond to situations in your life from a place of conscious choice and freedom. You will be free to choose who you want to be and how you want your life to unfold. If your difficulties are related to past trauma, we will use Memory Reconsolidation Techniques so you can be reborn from the ashes and master your life, your own way. Learn more about trauma here. Neuroscience informed approaches and trauma sensitive interventions are the base of our method CBT combined with Hypnotherapy is the most researched therapeutic approach and has proven to be the most effective type of therapy, promoting rapid and sustainable change.*  What you will learn ……. Are you prepared for the implication of “doing nothing”? Problems we can help with Investment Please weight carefully the pros and cons of investing in your emotional health Investing in a therapeutic program is the best you can do for you and for your loved ones. Improving your emotional health will bring you more energy, motivation, focus and accomplishment, will transform your relationships and improve your general wellbeing and happiness. Nothing in life can give you the results and value of a few therapy sessions. As with any good investment you will win on the long term Fees Single sessions: £90/session (90 min). As a reward for your commitment, the Freedom Program offers you 2 free sessions The total cost of this program is £480 (Instead of the £630 you would pay for 7 single sessions) We know times are difficult. That’s why we make sure our customers don’t miss the opportunity to get the guidance and support they need and deserve. You can pay for therapy in three small instalments if you use PayPal. Come in I would like to invite you for a FREE introductory session where we can discuss how this works, if this is the right approach for you and the wonderful possibilities this program entails. It will be also an opportunity for you to ask questions and check how you feel. Check if you feel comfortable and understood. This is important because the relationship with your therapist is the best predictor of success in therapy. So, please, come in and let’s talk. No pressure, no judgement, no commitment. Just a nice chat. 
- [Meet Maria](https://mariadasilva.org/dr-maria-da-silva/): My name is Maria, I am Portuguese, and I am a certified Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist, a Relationship Coach and a Nonviolent Communication (NVC) practitioner and teacher. Before graduating in CBH, I was a PhD Geologist, and I worked as a researcher in Earth Sciences at the University of Porto. I have two grown-up kids and I live in Stroud with my husband. Although I really enjoyed my work and have amazing kids, I was always haunted by the spectre of depression. For more than twenty years the dark way of thinking would assault me more frequently and deeply than I would wish. First suicide attempt at 27 … several weeks at the psychiatric hospital. My daughter was a year old. There was no talk about postpartum depression and my relationship with her father did not help. The second attempt at 41 – this time I just wanted to rest for a few days, but it went wrong, and I ended up in the hospital again. In between, many hours, many years of suffering and despair. The idea of ​​suicide constantly surfaced, the desperation for not finding solutions, not seeing the future, and just wanting to give up. And the weight, the huge weight on top of me, pulling me down, as if I were carrying all my “stupid past” on my shoulders. Looking back and just seeing mistakes, judging myself and my circumstances always negatively. Feeling that my life is ridiculous, stupid, unnecessary, and a burden. I believed that peace was impossible. Guilt, shame, loneliness – total loneliness in a very dark place – inside. Of course, my relationships were suffering as I was suffering. The big question is “was depression affecting my relationships or was my relationship affecting my depression?” The truth? When I changed, the world changed with me. I thank my children and my mother for their/my existence. They, and the certainty that I would do them terrible harm, kept me here, alive. My love for them kept me afloat. My love for them gave me life – and fortunately, a life that is now full of peace and joy. When finally, I decided to get real help, my life changed. The support I needed all my life was there for me. Knowledge, empathy and some simple techniques gave me the power to transform the way I live. It helped me find the lasting peace that I always desired. A peace and joy I didn’t think were possible. It was then that I embarked on a long journey of learning about trauma, attachment, relationships and the neuropsychological processes behind our behaviours and thoughts. I wanted to give to others the same kind of support I received and help others who are dealing with the same problems I experienced. And during my training, I saw, with my own eyes, how empathy, and science based approaches can change people’s lives for the better. After qualifying as a Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist (UKCHH) and as a Relationship Coach , I founded CAER Integrative Therapy in Stroud. My approach to psychotherapy follows the Human Givens Method to emotional heath and integrates the key principles of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy complemented with Hypnotherapy and Trauma Informed Coaching. With my couples I follow the Gottman Institute scientific approach to couples therapy, Non-violent Communication teachings and the scientific knowledge about gender intelligence. I became and my clients became OBSERVERS of life. Free from judgements, evaluations and demands. Free from the past and confident in the future. There is no greater satisfaction than receiving messages from our clients, months or years later, telling how therapy has changed their lives. Because whenever I guide someone to adopt their own healing path and transform their life, I am not only helping one person: I am helping their partners, family and children: and this spreads for generations. Qualifications and Professional Registration I studied at The Gottman Institute, Human Givens College and the United Kingdom College of Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy. I carry full professional indemnity and public liability insurance, advanced DBS and I am registered with the following professional organisations: General Hypnotherapy Register & General Hypnotherapy Standards Council International Association for Rewind Trauma Technique The Center for Nonviolent Communication MdS Therapeutic Coaching MdS Therapeutic Coaching
- [Resouces for you](https://mariadasilva.org/understanding/)

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